#also im not sorry for throwing shade | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hearthianhatchling · 1 year ago

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i DEEPLY need people to stop spreading misinformation that a. distracts from the issue and b. casts people who are actually decent as bad guys. the only one i can speak on is hozier which yes while his first few posts were....weak and disappointing, for his standards (having previously been VERY outspoken not just 'said something pro-palestine maybe' but like very clear), he has also shared aid links, called for people to pressure their reps for a ceasefire, and in general been anything but pro-israel. you are conflating being less radical with being pro israel and thats...hm, well, not great! someone else said it better than me but i don't want to tag them without asking first, but the gist was basically "is he a freedom rebel? no. is he a hateful supporter of genocide? also no"

you can be mad at and upset with people for taking a weaker stance than we'd like and deem necessary without conflating the issue and throwing them in with ACTUAL supporters of the oppressor. i'm sure there's more people on that list who are actually not pro-israel, i just don't really know most of them tbh

like in general - stuff like this or the super long boycott lists, PLEASE please do your own research because in the case of the latter it can actually be harmful to the movement and in the case of the former it's just, like, annoying and distracting misinformation that helps no one and only serves to make you feel better to give yourself a pat on the back

edit addition bc i forgot: it's fine to call out people for making weaker statements than they should, or to unfollow them, or stop being their fans. what i'm saying is not that you should praise and love them, but that to make claims of someone being pro-israel (in this case, but this applies to other issues too) when they're not is just...counterproductive, i suppose? i think that's appropriate here. anyhow. words mean things. yknow. words mean things.

celebrities supporting "Israel" + celebrities supporting Palestine

I found an absolutely massive 70-page list of all the people in Hollywood who've supported "Israel" (they signed the “Israel Must Defend Itself” pro-genocide IOF letter, showed support only for Israel, spread IOF propaganda, used “Palestinians are terrorists” language, etc) — but it included tons of people I've never heard of and, like, talent agents and lawyers and non-celebrities... so I went through it and got all the recognizable names + made them into a list (below the cut), because it's important to name exactly who's supporting Israel's genocide of Palestinians.

[EDIT: the doc got taken down, so I removed the link. I included every name I recognized on there in this post. Also, if you're on your dashboard, click on the timestamp below my username to view the most recent version of the post.]

Additionally, I searched for all the celebrities who've supported Palestine (not liking one post while sharing nothing, not saying something vague about both sides, but actually using language like "genocide" and "apartheid" while talking about what "Israel" is doing to Palestine), and that's below the cut too.

I compiled this not to ~cancel~ anyone (cancel culture does not exist for celebrities) or put anyone on a pedestal, but to document who with power and influence gleefully cheered on genocide, and who decided to speak out against it despite the heavily rumored gag order in the entertainment industry. You shouldn't look to celebrities for morals or politics, but whether we like it or not, these people have millions of followers — the pro-"Israel" list has more than two billion combined followers. What they say and do matters because of that scope. For better or (usually) for worse, celebrities influence public opinion.

If someone praises "Israel's" "right to defend itself" (by committing genocide against Palestinians), and they do so in front of 300 million people: that goes far beyond just being complicit.

PRO-"ISRAEL":

(I tried to include big names + people I know are popular on Tumblr)

Paula Abdul

Jaimie Alexander (Thor movies)

Gillian Anderson

Eric Andre

Judd Apatow

Skylar Astin (Pitch Perfect)

Ben Barnes

Lance Bass (NSYNC)

Jessica Beil

Ashley Benson (Pretty Little Liars)

Bobby Berk (Queer Eye)

Jon Bernthal — also friends with Joe Rogan and Marilyn Manson

Mayim Bialik (Big Bang Theory)

Hailey Bieber

Justin Bieber — in addition to pro-"Israel" posts, he shared a picture of Gaza in ruins with the caption "Pray for Israel" and then deleted it when people pointed out it was Palestine

Jack Black

Selma Blair (Legally Blonde)

Rachel Bloom (Crazy Ex-Girlfriend)

Tom Brady

Scooter Braun

Alison Brie

Nathaniel Buzolic (Vampire Diaries) — “Those who support Palestinians are the devil” (a direct actual quote)

Charisma Carpenter

Jimmy Carr

Gemma Chan

Kristen Chenowith

Choi Siwon (Super Junior)

Ciara

Andy Cohen

Sacha Baron Cohen

Lily Collins

Sean "Diddy" Combs

Lana Condor

Bradley Cooper

James Corden

Courteney Cox

Billy Crystal

Jamie Lee Curtis — sharing aggressively pro-"Israel" content including a picture of bombed Palestinian children with the caption "Pray for Israel," and then deleted it without a word when people pointed out they were Palestinian

Viola Davis

Ariana DeBose

Dane Dehaan

Zooey Deschanel

Zoey Deutch — also openly denying the Nakba and genocide

Nina Dobrev (Vampire Diaries)

Michael Douglas

Fran Drescher

Neil Druckmann (co-creator of The Last of Us) — also: read about how The Last of Us Part II video game is pro-Israeli propaganda

Kirsten Dunst

Chris Evans — starred in a pro-"Israel" propaganda film and then went on a press tour around IOF military bases, which included him autographing actual missiles

Dakota Fanning

Oded Fehr (Ardeth Bay in The Mummy movies) — in addition to signing the IOF letter and being a proud Zionist, he's an Israeli whose parents are from Germany and Spain and yet he's played multiple Muslim terrorists and taken many Middle Eastern roles

Will Ferrell

Stephen Fry

Isla Fisher

Karol G

Josh Gad

Gal Gadot

Neil Gaiman — a few years ago he said he thinks "Israel" has the right to exist (that's the actual definition of Zionism + it does not have the right to exist, unless you support settler colonialism), and then last week, when fans specifically asked him to speak on "Israel"-Palestine, he responded by doubling down and repeating that "Israel" has the right to exist, and then absolutely nothing else about Palestine or the current attacks besides a vague "both sides are bad!!!!!" comment

Danielle Galligan (Shadow and Bone)

Aiden R Gallagher (Umbrella Academy)

Andy Garcia

Sarah Michelle Gellar

Jeff Goldblum

Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Jack Dylan Grazer

Max Greenfield (New Girl)

Josh Groban

Jonathan Groff

Harvey Guillén (What We Do in the Shadows)

Grant Gustin

Tiffany Hadish

Jon Hamm

Mariska Hargitay

Mark Hamill — made many pro-"Israel" posts, including saying "Israel" is like the rebels in Star Wars while Palestine is like the Empire (?????)

Chelsea Handler

Julianne Hough

Hozier — said something pro-Palestine a few years ago, but is now all "well both sides are bad!!!!!! I just don't understand anything about this very complex conflict!!!!" (and now the entire band that travels with him on tour are all throwing shade at him, including sharing posts about how being neutral only helps oppressors)

Vanessa Hudgins

Sarah Hyland

Hyolyn (Sistar)

Lebron James

Lily James

Kendall Jenner

Kris Jenner

Kylie Jenner

Scarlett Johansson — also worked with many “Israeli” companies over the years including SodaStream, which operates illegally in the Palestinian West Bank (and she specifically said she has no regrets about working with them)

Ashley Johnson (The Last of Us, Critical Role)

Dwayne Johnson

Mindy Kaling

Kim Kardashian

Harvey Keitel

Candace King (Vampire Diaries) — made a big post in support of "Israel" that included calling all Palestinians "terrorists"

Joey King

Hayley Kiyoko

Karlie Kloss

Ashton Kutcher

Mila Kunis

Jo Kwon (2AM)

Taylor Lautner

Zachary Levi

Adam Levine

Eugene Levy (Schitt’s Creek)

Sam Levinson

Emily Alyn Lind (Gossip Girl)

Simu Liu

Lindsay Lohan

Eva Longoria

George Lopez

Demi Lovato

Patti LuPone

(Tumblr wouldn't let me have a list this big, so I broke it up here in the middle)

Sarah J Maas (racist booktok author with all those books like A Throne of Pissies and Shitties and half of them have a rapist as the good guy main character) — a Zionist who’s spoken about loving “Israel,” going on a “birthright trip” to “Israel,” and being "proud" of her family members who volunteered at IOF military bases and/or were in the IOF

Madonna

Howie Mandel

Katie Marovitch (Dropout/Collegehumor)

Eddie Marsan

James Maslow (Big Time Rush)

Ewan McGregor

Debra Messing

Seth Meyers

Lea Michelle

Helen Mirren

Alfred Molina

Mandy Moore

Heather Morris

Olivia Munn

Ryan Murphy

Eric Nam (American K-pop soloist) — liked pro-“Israel” posts, then when fans noticed and called him out, he canceled his upcoming tour dates in Muslim-majority countries instead of responding

BJ Novak

Con O'Neil (Our Fl*g Means Death) — liked and complemented an article where a Zionist wrote that “coming out as a Zionist” is harder than coming out as gay (it’s not said in passing — that’s what the whole article is about)

Bob Odenkirk (Better Call Saul)

Rita Ora

Sharon Osbourne

Chord Overstreet (Glee)

Gwyneth Paltrow

Danielle Panabaker

Sarah Paulson

Liam Payne

Ron Pearlman

Josh Peck

Jordan Peele

Katy Perry

Tyler Perry

Busy Philipps

Chris Pine

Aubrey Plaza

Jonah Platt

Jesse Plemons

Ellen Pompeo

Billy Porter

Natalie Portman

Will Poulter

Lily Rabe

Josh Radnor (How I Met Your Mother)

Addison Rae

Bella Ramsey

Andrew Rannells

Lana Del Rey

Rick Riordan — made a big blog post about both sides being bad

Joan Rivers

Ruby Rose

Jonathan Ross

Eli Roth

JK Rowling

Ronen Rubinstein

Zoe Saldaña

Adam Sandler

Ben Savage

Kristen Schall

Noah Schnapp — Mr. "You either stand with Israel or you stand with terrorism" himself

Liev Schreiber

Amy Schumer — made a big post that was like "I've done so much for black people and the gays and now nobody will stand with me because I'm a Jew"

David Schwimmer

Jerry Seinfield — went to the "Israeli" military base nicknamed "Camp Shoot-A-Palestinian" and played target practice with soldiers, where the targets were pictures of Palestinians

Molly Shannon

Brooke Shields

Sarah Silverman — said "Israel" has no reason to allow food and water into Gaza and that Gazans should be grateful they were ever “given” water from "Israel" in the past, and much more

Gary Sinise

Zack Snyder

Ian Somerhalder (Vampire Diaries)

Song Seung-hyun (actor, former member of FT Island, which currently has another member in prison for rape)

Aaron Sorkin

Jamie Lynn Spears

Regina Spektor

Ben Stiller

Sting

Tara Strong (voice actress for Timmy Turner in Fairly Odd Parents)

Harry Styles

Jason Sudeikis

Quentin Tarantino — went on a tour around IOF military bases last week (mid-Oct 2023) to “boost morale” with "Israeli" soldiers

Bella Thorne

Justin Timberlake

Phoebe Tonkin (Vampire Diaries)

Ashley Tisdale (High School Musical, The Suite Life of Zack and Cody)

Usher

Anneliese van der Pol (That's So Raven)

Taika Waititi

Kerry Washington

Paul Wesley (Vampire Diaries) + is also currently in his 40s dating a 22 year old who’s currently producing a pro-Zionism film

Olivia Wilde

Tyler James Williams (Abbott Elementary, Everybody Hates Chris)

Mary Elizabeth Winstead

Ben Winston (director/producer for most One Direction content, James Corden's show, etc)

Reese Witherspoon

Elijah Wood

James Woods (executive producer of Oppenheimer) — "Bomb the savages who did this back to the Stone Age. There are no grey areas. Kill them all. Every Hamas savage and every Hamas supporter on earth. Bury them with the entrails of pigs."

Constance Wu

why the letter to Biden about "no hostages" is bad (in the thread)

PRO-PALESTINE:

This includes people who've spoken out this week, as well as people who've spoken out in the past.

NOTE: Anyone who used to be pro-Palestine but are now spewing "well both sides are equally bad!!!! i don't understand anything about this very complex situation!!!" bullshit (like Hozier and Will Poulter) will be removed and added to the pro-"Israel" list.

(Palestinians first, then alphabetical by surname)

Bella Hadid — "This is not about spewing hate on one or the other. This is about Israeli colonization, ethnic cleansing, military occupation, and apartheid over the Palestinian people that has been going on for YEARS!" + she got blacklisted and lost brand deals for saying this and much more

Gigi Hadid — currently being targeted by "Israel's" official state social media pages for her support of Palestinian civilians

Simi, Haze, and Fai Khadra— on their shared account, they said: "You are watching genocide. 2 million innocent Palestinians in Gaza and 1 million of those are children under the age of 15, all for your "vengeance"…where's your humanity now? Gaza is being bombed to rubble as we post…" + much more about "Israel's" genocide of Palestinians and current attacks on Gaza

Riz Ahmed — said "If we are on the side of humanity we must urgently speak up to try and avert the loss of innocent life. This means calling for an end to the indiscriminate bombing of Gaza's civilians and vital infrastructure, the denial of food, water, and electricity, and the forced displacement of people from their homes. These are morally indefensible war crimes."

Leigh Bardugo (author of Six of Crows and Shadow and Bone) — shared many reports about IOF soldiers attacking civilians in Palestine, including during the Sheikh Jarrah evictions and attacks

Ally Beardsley (Dropout/Collegehumor) — shared info about "Israel's" attacks on Gaza, posted pictures of themself attending pro-Palestine protests, and more

Melissa Barrera (Scream) — said "It is so fucking sad and frustrating to see so many people and most western media trying SO HARD to equate Palestinian Liberation with supporting Hamas. When they are NOT the same thing. They want us to believe this so they can continue brutally killing innocent Palestinians, mothers and children, under the pretense of destroying Hamas." + much more about "Israel's" attacks on Gaza

Anthony Bourdain — dedicated an episode of Parts Unknown to Israel-Palestine, which included many scenes of Palestinians talking about the occupation, discussing "Israelis" forcibly displacing Palestinians from their homes, and more.

Shirine Boutella (Lupin) — sharing info debunking "Israel's" lies about Islamic Jihad accidentally bombing the hospital + more about "Israel's" attack on Gaza

Alessia Cara — shared pro-Palestine resources and info on IG

Chance the Rapper — said: "Fucking disgusting. This is an American funded genocide. #gazaunderattack #palestinianlivesmatter"

Kristin Chirico (Ladylike) — sharing info about "Israel’s" attacks on Gaza + info about how "Israel’s" crimes are funded by the US

Nicola Coughlan (Derry Girls, Bridgerton) — shared the quote: "We may be witnessing the total obliteration of Gaza. Political leaders refusing to speak out should feel eternal shame over the horror they are allowing to unfold. Those of us who believe in peace cannot stay silent. We must say to the Palestinian people: you are not alone."

Liam Cunningham — shared videos of himself at the protest in support of Palestine in Dublin + more about "Israel's" attack on Gaza

John Cusack — attended a pro-Palestine protest + said "We must free Palestine from a brutal occupation - people concerned for their loved ones, in a hell zone, stuck without food, water and power. Deep anguish over people being told to leave and bombed as they left. I heard people share personal accounts of family members who have been jailed, humiliated, harassed, persecuted, targeted and killed for generations."

Lucy Dacus (boygenius) — repeated support in the past + openly calling Obama a war criminal + sharing humanitarian fundraisers for Palestinians + said Free Palestine must be the part of all global liberation movements

Tracy Deonn (author of The Legendborn Cycle) — shared pro-Palestine posts including resources for how to help

Ziwe Fumudoh — shared resources about calling US Congresspeople about pressuring them to de-escalate, with "SAY NO TO GENOCIDE CALL CONGRESS NOW"

William Grigahcine (DJ Snake) — shared "Stop the genocide of Palestinians, stop the massacre, end the apartheid" + more about "Israel's" attack on Gaza

Halsey — shared the quote: "Solidarity with Palestinians means little if it only exists when they appear as victims but disappears when they resist. Those who aren't under occupation or refugees from ethnic cleansing have no right to dictate how those who are resisting those responsible for their suffering." + more about "Israel's" attacks on Gaza

Lily Gao (Resident Evil) — posting pro-Palestine content and information on the occupation and how to help

Aabria Iyengar (Dropout/Collegehumor) — shared "You SHOULD be watching the Genocide that's happening, BUT while spreading awareness is good but it's NOT the full picture. Work. Get on the phone with your local reps and pressure them. If you give money to any political parties? Pull it and tell them why." + more about "Israel's" attacks on Gaza, "Israel" committing war crimes, etc

Lauren Jauregui (Fifth Harmony) — said "My heart is with the innocent lives lost to the perpetuation of the vile legacy of imperialism, colonization, apartheid and ignorance. [...] Those who were once the victims of persecution becoming the oppressor and being so cognitively dissonant about the hypocrisy. [...] I deeply condemn the violation of human rights and the violence of the genocidal ethnic cleansing we are witnessing in real time of the Palestinian people." + "Propaganda is a bitch and is the most well oiled tool of the empire."

Michael B. Jordan — shared the quote: "One cannot advocate for racial equality, LGBT & women's rights, condemn corrupt & abusive regimes and other injustices yet choose to ignore the Palestinian oppression." + more about "Israel's" attacks on Gaza

Mia Khalifa — "If you can look at the situation in Palestine and not be on the side of the Palestinians, then you are on the wrong side of apartheid and history will show that in time" + more about "Israel's" attacks on Gaza + she lost her podcast deal for showing support

Kehlani — shared many stories about "Israel's" attacks on Gaza + attended a pro-Palestine protest + said: "To my peers and people that are in the spaces I’m in, what the f*ck is wrong with y’all? You’re being silent for the sake of money and business… there’s an insane amount of unchecked privilege.” and much more

(Tumblr wouldn't let me have a list this big, so I broke it up here in the middle)

Guz Khan (Our Fl*g Means Death) — said "What the enforcers of apartheid and their enablers have failed to realise is that the plight of the Palestinians is an issue that resonates with the PEOPLE. You can hide behind weapons of war and have the most powerful resources known to man, the PEOPLE will demand justice" + it's strongly rumored he was let go from Our Fl*g Means Death specifically because of his open support of Palestine

Matthew Kim (Big Matthew of KARD) — said "While Im able to celebrate another birthday, there are too many innocent people in Gaza losing that privilege." + more about "Israel's" attack on Gaza

Kim Namjoon (RM of BTS) — attended multiple art exhibitions by Palestinians in diaspora who made art specifically about the occupation, "sraeli apartheid, and Free Palestine, and shared pictures of these exhibitions publicly + he owns a piece of art about Free Palestine and, in the past, has posted this art to IG ~coincidentally~ on days when the media just reported that "Israel" bombed civilians — NOTE: I included this because he's doing all this BEFORE serving his mandatory enlistment in the South Korean military, which is aggressively pro-"Israel" and known for violent bullying, being full of far-right incels, and abuse from superior officers (and harassment towards enlisted celebrities, who are isolated and cut off from all protection). Him risking his support being made known to the general public (especially since BTS fans are known for noticing stuff like this and blowing it up on social media) has much higher risks than the average Western celebrity.

R. F. Kuang (author of The Poppy Wars and Babel) — shared multiple posts on how to help Palestine, information about the occupation and "Israel's" genocide of Palestinians, etc

Zara Larsson — support going back years + "We must call out a state upholding apartheid and KILLING civilians, funded by American dollars." + much more about "Israel's" attacks on Gaza

Dua Lipa — support going back years, frequently mentioning Free Palestine + "The ethnic cleansing of the Palestinian people must come to an end. NO MORE!! This is a human rights issue!! WAKE UP PEOPLE!!"

Macklemore — said "We are witnessing an unfolding genocide in Palestine at this very moment. A US backed human catastrophe in front of our eyes." and more

Zayn Malik — said "I stand with the Palestinian people and support their resistance to colonization and protection of their human rights."

Yoshitomo Nara (artist/sculptor) — shared firsthand accounts from victims in Gaza + criticized Biden's horrible response to all this

Alexa Nikolas (Zoey 101, the one who left the show because Jamie Lynn Spears was bullying her + she later accused Dan Schneider of CSA and now has a show called Eat Predators, about exposing sexual predators in Hollywood) — has made several hour-long videos talking about Free Palestine, the occupation, and "Israel's" apartheid and genocidee in Palestine

Normani — sharing firsthand accounts from Palestinian families in Gaza during "Israel's" current attack

Dylan O'Brien — shared a video of a young Palestinian girl talking about how "Israel" bombed her whole street, along with "10 years old. Heart wrenching. #FreePalestine"

Melissa O'Neil (Dark Matter) — sharing statements from anti-Zionist Jewish people condemning "Israel's" actions + more about "Israel's" attack on Gaza

Jenna Ortega (Wednesday, Scream) — was targeted by a far-right "Israeli" site for her repeated support of Palestine, the site attempted to blacklist her, and she continued supporting anyway

Florence Pugh — shared IG stories about "Israel's" genocide against Palestinians, including: "Bombing a hospital full of children & refugees is not a pathway towards peace. This is genocide." + sharing a lot of pro-Palestine stuff right now, including saying that "Israel" bombed the hospital

Izzy Roland (Dropout/Collegehumor) — shared "We cannot and will not say today's actions by Palestinian militants are unprovoked. Every day under Israel's system of apartheid is a provocation. The strangling siege of Gaza is a provocation. Settlers terrorizing entire Palestinian villages, soldiers raiding and demolishing Palestinian homes, murdering Palestinians in the streets, Israeli ministers calling for genocide and expulsion." + more about "Israel's" attacks on Gaza

Ava Reid (author of The Wolf and the Woodsman) — shared multiple posts on how to help Palestine, information about the occupation and "Israel's" genocide of Palestinians, etc

Arundhati Roy (author of The God of Small Things) — has been writing essays and articles in support of Palestine for decades

Susan Sarandon — said “Being against the occupation of Palestine does not make one anti-Semitic.” + shared multiple posts about Israel's war crimes, including "Israel's" use of white phosphorus in Gaza

Emma Seligman (director of Shiva Baby and Bottoms) — outspoken about her support for Palestine + attended multiple protests + is sharing a lot of resources and info about supporting Palestine (also: she said her name was accidentally included on the Zionist "no ceasefire" letter to Biden because she thought it was the other letter (the one asking for a ceasefire and humanitarian aid) and she fought to get her name removed from the bad letter)

Rekha Shankar (Dropout/Collegehumor) — shared resources for contacting US government officials about calling for a ceasefire and humanitarian aid in Gaza, and more

Sza — shared infographics about the occupation and Free Palestine, including ones that explained the entire history of "Israel's" invasion of Palestine since 1948 + spoke out about the violence in Sheikh Jarrah in 2021 + more "Israel's" attacks on Gaza

Sabaa Tahir (author of Ember in the Ashers) — posting about how to help Palestine, information about "Israel's" genocide and apartheid of Palestinians, etc

Emma Watson — shared a quote about showing solidarity with Palestinians from activist Sarah Ahmed, who was harassed by C*nary M*ssion, a site dedicated to doxxing anyone who speaks out against "Israel’s" government.

Aimee Lou Wood (Sex Education) — shared info and resources daily since Oct 7 in support of Free Palestine

Xiran Jay Zhao (author of Iron Widow) — posting nonstop about the occupation and "Israel's" attacks on Gaza, they've attended pro-Palestine protests, and more

After Emma Watson made her post mentioned above, she was targeted in the media by "Israel," and in response, a group of celebrities released a joint statement in support of Watson and Palestinians, saying: “We recognize the underlying power imbalance between "Israel," the occupying power, and the Palestinians, the people under a system of military occupation and apartheid" (excerpt of statement).

These celebrities included:

Gael García Bernal

Peter Capaldi

Steve Coogan

Liam Cunningham

Miriam Margolyes (Prof. Sprout in HP)

Matt McGorry

Michael Malarkey (Vampire Diaries)

Viggo Mortensen (Lord of the Rings)

Mark Ruffalo

Susan Sarandon

Ramy Youssef

(I took all the names I recognized — read the full list here)

Examples of "Israel's" foreign propaganda machine hitting pro-Palestine influencers:

tiktoker @/thewizardliz (who has 4.8 million followers and is a beauty influencer originally from Chechnya) — made several pro-Palestine posts, but then deleted them all and said in a story: "Guys I didn't want to delete my posts. But I was just called and told that I'm playing with my life by speaking on these things and that I should delete, I shouldn't involve myself in politics, but I stand with what I said."

tiktoker @/carawatsca shares that she lost a brand deal for being pro-Palestine, and that this same brand attempted to bribe her to post pro-"Israel" content and delete everything pro-Palestine

Celebrities who signed the good letter to Biden — not the Zionist letter, but the one calling for a humanitarian ceasefire and immediate international aid to Palestinians in Gaza, and saying that the US is "aiding and abetting Israel's war crimes":

Riz Ahmed

Mahershala Ali

Mo Amer (comedian)

Rowan Blanchard (Girl Meets World)

Cate Blanchett

Quinta Brunson (Abbott Elementary)

May Calamawy (Moon Knight)

Jessica Chastain

Margaret Cho

Ryan Coogler (director of Black Panther)

David Cross (Arrested Development)

John Cusack

Ayo Edebiri (The Bear, Bottoms)

America Ferrera (Barbie, Superstore, Ugly Betty)

Andrew Garfield

Ilana Glazer (Broad City)

Simon Helberg (Big Bang Theory)

Oscar Isaac

Dua Lipa

Macklemore

Rooney Mara

Rachel McAdams

Natalie Merchant

Miguel

Alyssa Milano

Hasan Minhaj

Victoria Monét

Indya Moore (Pose)

Sandra Oh

David Oyewolo

Mandy Patinkin (Criminal Minds, Princess Bride)

Florence Pugh

Joaquin Phoenix

Mark Ruffalo

Susan Sarandon

Michael Shannon

Alia Shawkat (Arrested Development)

Rachel Sennott (Bottoms)

Yara Shahidi (Black-ish, Grown-ish)

Wallace Shawn (Princess Bride)

Jon Stewart

Kristen Stewart

Jeremy Strong (Succession)

Wanda Sykes

Channing Tatum

Lena Waithe

Jesse Williams

Shailene Woodley

Ramy Youssef

(I took all the names I recognized — read full list here)

The letter said: "Half of Gaza's two million residents are children, and more than two thirds are refugees and their descendants being forced to flee their homes. […] As of this writing more than 6,000 bombs have been dropped on Gaza in the last 12 days — resulting in one child being killed every 15 minutes. Children and families in Gaza have practically run out of food, water, electricity, medicine and safe access to hospitals, following days of air strikes and cuts to all supply routes. […] The humanitarian situation has reached lethal lows, and yet all reports point to further attacks. Compassion — and international law — must prevail."

Celebrities who signed the open letter in the UK calling for an immediate humanitarian ceasefire, and condemning "Israel":

Khalid Abdalla

Steve Coogan

Liam Cunningham

Charles Dance

Miriam Margolyes

Maxine Peake

Tilda Swinton

(over 2,000 more people — I took all the names I recognized; after it was released it became an open letter anyone can sign so it's now full of random people's names)

Their joint statement said: "Gaza is already a society of refugees and the children of refugees. Now, in their hundreds of thousands, bombarded from air, sea and land, Palestinians whose grandparents were forced out of their homes at the barrel of a gun are again being told to flee – or face collective punishment on an unimaginable scale. Dispossessed of rights, described by Israel’s minister of defense as “human animals”, they have become people to whom almost anything can be done. Our governments are not only tolerating war crimes but aiding and abetting them."

Celebrities who signed the Letter Against Apartheid in support of Free Palestine (2021):

Mahershala Ali

Brian Cox (Succession)

Bella Hadid

Rebecca Hall

Miriam Margoyles (Prof. Sprout in HP)

Yann Martel (author of Life of Pi)

Viggo Mortensen (Lord of the Rings)

Mira Nair (Indian American filmmaker)

Kathy Najimy (Hocus Pocus)

Thandiwe Newton

Boots Riley (director of Sorry To Bother You)

Run the Jewels

Saeed Jones (author of How We Fight For Our Lives)

Stellan Skarsgård (Thor, Mamma Mia)

Ocean Vuong (poet)

(I took the names I recognized — read full list here)

This letter said: "We call for an immediate and unconditional cessation of Israeli violence against Palestinians. We call for an end to the support provided by global powers to Israel and its military; especially the United States, which now provides Israel $3.8 billion annually without condition. We ask all people of conscience to exercise their agency to help dismantle the apartheid regime of our time. We ask governments that are enabling this crime against humanity to apply sanctions, to mobilize levers of international accountability, and to cut trade, economic and cultural relations. We call on activists, and especially our peers in the arts, to exercise their agency within their institutions and localities to support the Palestinian struggle for decolonization to the best of their ability. Israeli apartheid is sustained by international complicity, it is our collective responsibility to redress this harm." and more

Celebrities who condemned "Israel" for labeling Palestinian non-profit charities as “terrorists” (2021):

Claire Foy

Peter Gabriel

Richard Gere (has also been very vocal about supporting Palestine over the years)

Ian McEwan (author; Atonement)

Simon Pegg

Philip Pullman (author; His Dark Materials)

Mark Rylance

Irvine Welsh (author; Trainspotting)

(I took the ones I recognized + read full list here + I didn’t include a few who are also in other pro-Palestine lists on this post)

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Please add more if you know of any, but NOT if it's something along the lines of them just liking a post or trying to say both sides are bad. Please also include what they said/shared — now is the time when speaking out is most important.

Feel free to add any pro-"Israel" people as well. I'm keeping an eye on the notes and will update it.

HOW TO HELP:

US and Canada residents: find a protest near you here

BOYCOTT THESE COMPANIES — THIS IS ALREADY WORKING AND AFFECTING THEIR STOCKS

contact your local representatives and tell them you will not vote for someone who approves of genocide

a thread of ways to support Palestine

text CEASEFIRE to 51905

combat propaganda online, in person, or even by just having a conversation with one person — do not underestimate the power of word of mouth. tell everyone you know how you feel about Palestine; don't just read about it and despair while doing nothing. being on the right side of history has never been popular or easy.

Haymarket Books is currently giving away the ebook for "Palestine: A Socialist Introduction" for free

support Palestinian art, cuisine, businesses, and culture — Shop Palestine, Al’Ard Palestinian products, Palestinian recipes from Mariam, a Palestinian home cook in diaspora, etc

donate to Lebanese and Syrian funds or Palestinians in diaspora if you really feel like giving money, but know that nothing will reach the people in Palestine until the blockade ends — and we can end it if enough of us pressure international politicians, particularly in the US, France, the UK, Canada, etc

US residents: Tell Congress to Stop the Gaza Genocide

UK residents: Tell the UK government to Protect Palestinians and Healthcare Workers

#sorry but like. for real putting hozier in a list of pro-israel celebrities like be serious right now. be SERIOUS.#(also by god his band is not throwing shade at him lmao these are grown adults like actually get a grip sorry)#again like. did you get your information from a random twitter account? because it sure sounds like it!#yes i'm aware im adding to the distraction kind of by engaging with this but i also NEED people to gain some independent critical thought #anyways free palestine

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scoliosismaster · 10 months ago

Text

just reminding everyone that howdy is a sweetheart and i will tolerate no howdy slander ever :3

she likes to paint and have fun!!!

#she used to terrify me as a kid #but that was the *gags* DANISH VERSION #*throws up violently*#why did she sound like that #im sorry no shade to the va i loved their voice but #but where was the becky sloan T^T #idk im biased #she kinda sounded like a guy #thats so mean ohmygosh im so so sorry sjajdjsksksksmdm #shes so cute oh my goshies #such a silly billy!!!!!!#she so amazing!!!!!!!!!!#also frank. please let me cuddle with you #idk maybe i just have something for big yarn creatures #they look so cuddly tho!!!!!#and very warm #and i want

0 notes

sinlizards · 1 year ago

Note

im not sure if youve answered this before, but im really curious about how you decide which contrasting colors to add where! i know about adding a reflected color of something next to it (idk how to explain that sorry) but i always find when i try to add little splashes of color while shading a piece, they look out of place!!

heres a rough general explanation feat. Beato + some extra stuff!

What I focus on with making a color feel cohesive is seeing where exactly i can use that color again through out the piece that way it balances everything out. To choose the colors themselves i normally just take the base color and saturate it in my preferred direction (i.e. parts of her blonde hair becoming green, her headpiece becoming hot pink)

for something with a Lot of added/different pops of color I tend to unify the whole thing by throwing a layer of overlayed color jitter on like 10% or less which helps those colors not feel so out of place (also this piece you can see more of where im adding color at overlaps or areas of interest instead of just the shadows)

something that can also help if you are going a more painterly route is having a base layer of a bright color and then laying down your flats lightly over top allowing the under layer to peak through which is what i showed in this breakdown (which you can also see me adding a complimentary color to areas of visual interest)

And lastly a lot of this is just kinda trial and error! as I said before i tend to work on one layer but for these final embellishment type things (added pops of color, halftone, patterns, etc.) i mostly save that for last and keep them on a layer above the piece because a part of the process is just messing around with a bunch of stuff and seeing what looks good

#art help #hopefully that all makes sense! this is such a gut feeling based thing for me that its hard to put it into words #but like i said just fuck around and find out #the halftone bit in the beato breakdown was cuz i initially tried to answer both this ask and an ask about halftone #but i decided to make a seperate thing for that later #lizard inbox

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ashessonfire · 2 years ago

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Hi, I just gotta say I really love your stories and how detailed and eloquent your writing is.How about a Kaz Brekker x reader angst where a heist gone wrong results to Kaz (temporarily) losing his memory and reverting back to old Kaz, who is not in a relationship with reader, and he keeps pushing the reader away 'til reader gives up 'cause of something Kaz said or a scenario where they think Kaz is better without them♡♡♡thank you for listening HAHAHAHA

'Forgotten' - Kaz Brekker x Reader

Prompt - Kaz Brekker's plans rarely fail, but what happens when a heist goes incredibly wrong, and the Bastard of the Barrel forgets you completely? - Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Reader (established relationship) - Warnings: Depictions of violence, gunshots, Kaz's trauma / memories, Kaz being an asshole but not really his fault??? ANGST ANGST ANGST Part two found here! A/N: Thank you all so much for the amount of support and love i am getting for my first few posts! I will definitely write a part two if you want it, its a massive cliffhanger but would be WAY too long to do it in one go. JUST PURE ANGST IM SORRY T-T

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Kaz’s plans often fell victim to unseen circumstances, however, small hinderances to his meticulously planned out schemes rarely affected the outcome. Yet even Kaz himself had to admit, that this plan had gone spectacularly wrong.

From incorrect blueprints for the building, to four times the number of armed guards than initially expected, all the group could do was try and escape relatively unharmed. The crows were splintered into six breathless individuals, winding their way through narrow streets to try and loosen their attackers’ grips. Sprays of bullets and the glints of knives rushed past each one of them, only narrowly missing their targets.

That was until Kaz felt a searing pain in his leg, a sudden slash just under the back of his knee, sending fire trailing throughout his body. He groaned deeply, internally damning the attacker for not only striking his target, but also managing to hit Kaz on his already bad leg. The pain from the wound caused it to buckle, giving him a clear path straight towards the glistening cobblestone of Ketterdam’s streets.

Before he could fully feel the impact, a hand tightly gripped the roots of his hair, pulling his face parallel to the grinning pursuer, evidently pleased with his achievement of apprehending the Bastard of the Barrel.

Before Kaz could use his cane to fight back, it was violently ripped from his grasp, another set of hands clutching his own behind his back, rendering him completely immobile. Suddenly, the knife was yanked out of his leg, earning a surprised growl from Kaz, his leg leaking onto the stone beneath him a deep ruby shade.

“Well, that wasn’t so hard, was it? I’m afraid to say I am more than a little underwhelmed, Dirtyhands,” The leader of the group sneered, earning a howl of laughter from his gang, who seemed to be forming from the shadows of the abandoned street, emerging in staggering numbers.

Despite his predicament, a thought flashed through his mind, calming his increasingly alarmed state. “Perhaps they abandoned the others in favour of catching me,” Kaz silently contemplated, feeling a light sense of relief at the possibility his crew would make it back to the slat alive.

Especially you.

However, the relief was knocked out of him as swiftly as it came, along with all the air in his chest. A brutal kick sent him reeling backwards into the chest of the man behind, followed by a series of punches which Kaz was defenceless against. The assault continued, blood pouring into his eyes from an open wound on his forehead, blinding him to the onslaught of attacks that followed, as he rapidly tried blinking to wash away the crimson from his vision.

The ambush subsided, giving him enough time to throw his head back and remove some of the steadily flowing substance from his sight. Murmurs sounded around him, but Kaz couldn’t decipher what was being stated, the ringing from the punches obscuring the sound around him, leaving him underwater, drowning in his own blood.

Despite Kaz’s senses becoming increasingly obstructed, a flare of panic welled up within him, as he spotted something brassy glinting through the sheet of red, catching the light from the street lanterns surrounding them. The unknown object began its descent towards him, the glint becoming a beam which shone through the curtain of crimson, until it was just close enough for Kaz to make out the flash of a crow’s eye, and the curve of a beak.

“How ironic,” Kaz thought to himself, “Being killed by my own cane.”

The scarlet curtain closed on Kaz, the blow ending the performance the gang was putting on, leaving their victim in a world full of darkness, the feeling of the waves washing over him and pulling him deeper into the abyss.

The last thing he heard was the sound of a voice.

Jordie’s?

The concern that radiated from the sound brought him back to memories of the farm, where Kaz would climb too far up a willow’s branches, and his brother would have to call him down. Or perhaps when they had arrived in Ketterdam and Kaz had thought it comedic to hide in a dimly lit street, blissfully unaware of the dangers that lurked in its gloom.

However, as Kaz slipped deeper into the ocean, the voice getting further away with each of his slowing heartbeats, a tinge of warmth hit his chest, signalling that this wasn’t Jordie.

It was you.

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Your adrenaline had served you well, since shortly after you were separated from the crows, familiar edges of buildings and glints of neighboring signs entered your vision. Using this to your advantage, you utilized your familiarity of the area to hide, slipping into the shadows, melting into the gloom of Ketterdam's alleys. Soon, all five of your pursuers had bullets lodged in their throats unable to pinpoint where they were being shot from. Each fatal blow perfectly central just as Jesper had taught you.

Whilst your mind began to settle at the lack of immediate threat, something burred within your core pulled on your heartstrings, pointing your unsettling fear towards Kaz.

You had taken great care to note which routes the other crows had disappeared down, for insurance if they did not return to the slat within the agreed time. However, as you fled, your heart had plummeted at the sight of at least ten men chasing down your boyfriend.

Before your mind could register your actions, you were sprinting back in the direction you had come, weaving through the bodies littering your path. You quickly reached the alley Kaz had fled down, and you bolted through the streets you estimated Kaz would take.

As he was your boyfriend, you had become accustomed to imagining what he would do, or how he would act in certain situations, helping you decode his behaviour when he barricaded himself from you on troublesome days.

The sound of bone cracking and pained grunts pulled you away from your thoughts, turning a sharp corner just in time to see the head of Kaz’s precious cane colliding with his temple, the light visibly fading from his eyes due to the blow.

Rage swept through you, controlling your actions as your mind failed to synchronise with your body. Rushing forward, you shot wildly, achieving at least three separate screams from the men before you. Before the others were made fully aware of your presence, you had a serrated knife plunging into a further two, leaving fatal wounds which would slowly bring about their demise. Once every one of group were flooding the streets with their blood, your gaze shifted to Kaz.

Lying in a growing pool of blood, your boyfriend’s face was swollen, covered in deep gashes that littered his sharp features. The dim light from the lanterns overhead cast murky shadows over the wounds, highlighting the gruesome fate Kaz had endured. From somewhere far in the distance, you heard your voice screaming his name, begging for him to wake up, at some point you had even rushed over to him and began caressing his fractured face to wake him.

Allowing a deep inhale of Ketterdam’s air, you collected yourself, imagining that Kaz were conscious and scolding you for your slow reactions and the ‘weakness’ you were portraying. Laying your head against his frigid chest, you held your own breath, only releasing the growing tension when a faint heartbeat pounded against your ear.

Silently apologising for your next actions, you hooked both of Kaz’s arms underneath your own and used all your force to haul him back to the Slat.

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For several days following the attack, the group had come to a collective conclusion that their boss was severely concussed, so much so that he was barely conscious for more than a few minutes at a time.

Throughout the harrowing days, you never left his side, constantly aiding his body in a frail attempt to bring him back to the conscious realm, and to you.

The crows stopped by often to assist you, compelled to keep at least one half of the pair in a decent condition, Nina bringing hot food, Inej wiping down your face with a warm cloth, and Jesper or Wylan keeping you company for an hour or so, brightening the mood wit =h jokes or stories.

Time seemed almost to cease its movements, with even the smallest of things, like the rain rolling down the frosted glass in Kaz’s room, or the flickering of the candles illuminating the slat, appearing sluggish to you.

That was, only until Kaz woke up.

A bout of coughs awoke you from a light sleep, sending alarm bells ringing through your head, echoing off the walls and overwhelming you. Upon seeing the straining eyes blinking against the intensity of the candlelight, the roar swiftly subsided.

“Kaz,” you breathed out, barely audible to both you and him.

You gently reached out to feel the heat from his forehead, an action not dissimilar to the gentle brushes of his locks you would often settle on when he was too engrossed in scheming to provide you attention. However, your movements were stopped dead in their tracks when a voice sliced through the air.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Kaz seethed.

Although his voice was hoarse from his absence over the last few days, a clear threat laid deeply within his sentence, piercing your chest with a thousand knives. “Kaz, I’m just checking your temperature, my love,” you offered gently, praying to the Saints that whatever malice behind your partners eyes was due to his condition, and not a genuine fury.

Instead of removing the knives from your heart, he twisted them painfully, glaring directly at you as he warned lowly, “I am not sure how long I have been out for, but I severely doubt it would be enough time for a word like ‘love’ to be directed towards me. Especially by the likes of you. Go and get Nina, you are of no use to me.”

Your breath hitched painfully in your throat, blocking the air trying to travel both in and out, glittering eyes locked directly with his as your mind struggled to process the disgust that laced his voice. Your body battled as it tried to force another ‘Kaz’ out into the world, but he intruded before the sound escaped.

“Leave now, or I will dismiss you for insubordination. Go,” Kaz stated, bitterness being the only discernible emotion portraying through his words, his chest filling with an emotion so strong he couldn’t name it, deciding to settle on disgust. Your eyes welled up, clouding your vision as you cautiously left the room, shock coursing through your body and stiffening your every movement, causing shivers to wrack your body as your blood froze to ice.

Your mind seemed to leave your body, taking little note of going to Nina and sending her up to Kaz, or the other crows fawning over your broken state, clearly panicking further when your only form of response was a stiff silence. It seemed safer to hide behind glossy eyes and blank looks, than to decipher what had caused Kaz’s reaction.

It was only an hour later when Nina came downstairs, shaking you out of your daze with words that did a far more agonizing job than Kaz’s knives would.

She downright shot you point blank in the heart.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry, it seems like the blow has affected his memory. I can’t tell the severity yet, but it seems that he has no recollection of you two as, well you know. ‘You two,’” Nina bit out, voice cracking as her heart shattered for you, who now stood shaking before the group, the slightest breeze threatening to barrel you over.

You dismissed them with a fractured smile, barring yourself within the confines of your room, knives drawing blood within your heart, twisting excruciatingly each time a shuffle or a creak would sound from the room above yours.

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Your perseverance impressed not only the rest of the crows, but yourself too. You didn’t allow yourself to wallow in your self-pity for long, determined to regain Kaz’s memory despite his protests and frustration with you. You had already molded a loving relationship with the deadliest man in Ketterdam, you figured that you would be able to withstand doing it once more.

Enduring the blade-like words was the simplest part, however it was the emotion behind them that faltered you each time you were faced with him. He always his behind a face of insults or harsh syllables, but you had decoded their meanings long ago, the sentiment behind each radiating through in a way in which only you could detect.

As he recovered, you remained vigilant to his every need, bringing him herbal tea infused with medicine or offering fresh bandages to change when the blood seeped through the last.

Each encounter ended with tears streaming drearily down your face, matching the raindrops that hit against the pains of the slat, each impact slamming against your heart. As you persisted, the feeling Kaz felt towards you grew, the emotion intensifying with each glimpse at you.

He couldn't stand it.

Rage bubbled within him at your attempts at kindness, the insults increasing in harshness and malice each time you dared to provoke him.

Yet you bounced back, offering him delicate smiles, compassionate gestures, and kind words. However Kaz couldn't bear it any longer, the weight in his chest obscuring his breathing and brooding for too long, consuming him from the inside out.

Despite his unbroken hatred that radiated towards you, he seemed to gradually be regaining his memories, allowing Jesper's jokes or Nina's teasing to go as far as they would before the accident. It caused you great anguish, and shamefully jealousy, at his return to every one of his crows.

But you.

The door to his office was given a light few taps, before Kaz permitted you entry, knowing from the weight of the knocks it had to be you. Although the others seemed far more wary of him than usual, there was something almost gentle about how you acted towards him, making it easier for Kaz to single you out from the rest.

You entered with a stack of papers, a vast collection of work that had accumulated whilst he regained his health. Biting back his usual snarky insults and remarks dripping in poison, Kaz watched you intently, deadly intentions practically radiating from his gaze.

Setting down the pile, you stepped back silently, too exhausted to bear the weight of another one of his lashings, each word cutting you and leaving you bleed out, not dissimilarly to how you found him that night.

The silence in his office was impenetrable, the air becoming impossible to breath through the tension that radiated between you, with only one of you being able to decipher what it truly was. Your mind was so focused on the intake of air, you almost missed the hand that extended towards you, the closest he had allowed you since his memory had stolen you from him.

Clutched in his grasp was a simple white letter, signatures coating the outside of the envelope, and something folded, protruding from within the packet itself.

The silence became deafening, the pounding of your heart like a bird trapped in a cage infinitely too small for its prisoner, crashing into the walls in an attempt to escape. As your hand made contact with the offering, Kaz spoke in a tone you had never heard before.

He simply stated, "From tomorrow, at four bells, you will be gone. A job in Ravka requires someone of your skillset, so you will go. If you fail to comply then you will no longer be welcomed here. I have tolerated your incessant troubling for long enough, you have no true place here until you finally realize how burdensome you truly are."

Your heart stopped.

The air around you liquified, slowly filling your lungs with fluid and choking you, drowning you silently as Kaz looked on with an indifferent scowl, an eyebrow raised in question at your astonishment.

The tears streamed, your body screaming for air, for comfort, for him. But it couldn't seem to attain any one of them, instead pushing all its strength into forming the the right words to pierce Kaz Brekker's impenetrable façade.

"You still don't remember?" you coughed out, "After the incident who was it who rushed back to you, dragged your half-dead body across the Barrel and into the slat. Who stayed by your side until they were forced to leave each night? Do you not have any recollection, not of the memories, but of how you felt for me? Surely I didn't mean that little to you," your voice wavered heavily whilst you gasped out the final line.

The tears formed rugged streams across your cheeks, glinting in the dim candlelight from Kaz's desk, highlighting the pain you had hidden from him for weeks. It was now his turn to be stunned, the words echoing around his mind but not seeming to form into coherent meanings.

Despite Kaz's astonishment at your outburst, it wasn't enough.

Wasn't enough for him to stop you from walking away, or enough to whisper your name louder in confusion and uncertainty as your form dissolved into the hallway .

Surely this was what he was supposed to do?

Yet deep inside his plagued heart your words resounded, filling Kaz with a sense of dread, the waves that usually consumed him began to swell, drowning him in his seat just as he had done to you earlier.

He was certain on one thing, that the gaping pain in his chest which he had presumed was disgust, or perhaps even hatred, had not disappeared. Had not lightened as he had prayed it would if you just vanished.

No. Instead it had intensified into something that swallowed him whole, dragging him further into the bitter ocean than ever before, waves crashing fiercely above his head.

The emotion consumed him as his breathing deepened, heart both simultaneously stopping and racing into oblivion, as it finally dawned on him. Somewhere within that feeling a small spark remained glowing, something that felt warm and familiar which he had repressed.

Something that resembled care, or affection, or...

Love.

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Tag list: @animalistic00 @whos6claire

Click here for part two <3

#kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker x reader imagines #shadow and bone season 2 #shadow and bone x reader #six of crows x reader #six of crows imagine #six of crows #grishaverse #shadow and bone imagine #kaz brekker x reader fluff #ashessonfire

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harrysarchive · 9 months ago

Text

if only you knew, bunny: h.s.

pairing:

dormmate!harry x dormmate!y/n

summary:

"sorry! sorry i thought you were staying out with your mom the rest of the weekend!" harry says, rustling is heard in the background before im gentle moved to over and the door is heard opening. "you can open your eyes bunny."

warnings:

TW⚠️ body shaming

unhealthy relationship with y/n's mom (body shaming, controlling mom, just a shitty mom overall) also really short sorry i just wanted to tease these two

A/N: guys the way this has been in my drafts for about 4 months LMFAO lmk if you would want more dormmate!harry x y/n!

part two

y/n's pov

The smell of peppermint vanilla carries along with the scent of books, soft chatter from the tv carries out in the small dorm, i glance over at the empty bed and a frown tugs at my lips.

"guess im on my own." i huff closing my book and tossing it to the side.

as i pick up my phone a knock makes me still, i glance at the door before walking over to it and slowly opening the door. my eyes catch sight of a lovely shade of green staring back at me.

"um sorry," he clears his throat, "my names Harry, and i think we're flatmates."

my eyes widen at what he says before my eyebrows furrow, "um im y/n, i didnt think i had a dorm mate."

"yeah 'm sorry about that i was in england for the past month, so i couldnt do all the orientation." he shuffles his bags and i snap out of it before throwing the door open.

"apologies, um i didnt think they did unisex dorms here."

"i wasnt expecting this either this is um C36 right?"

"yeah yeah you're right, well welcome to your dorm Harry..." i trail off not knowing his last name hoping he'd fill in the blank.

"styles!" he smirks holding out his hand and I place my hand in his giving it a shake.

"oh my god! harry!" i squeak covering my eyes as i step into our shared dorm, a topless girl perked up on his bed.

i peak through my fingers and find our room empty, just the two of us. "i would've left har, you could've asked you know i dont mind." i mumble dropping my bags on my bed.

"nonsense i would rather spend time with you bun, though uh -if you dont mind me asking- why are you back so early?" he asked sitting us on my bed, i sit crisscross in front of him before tears start welding up in my eyes.

"god that woman is so fucking cruel to me har." i gasp out a sob as tears fall freely down my face.

"whoa bunny breathe for me." harry hums pulling me into his arms, broken sobs hiccup through me as i weep like a baby into harry.

"i do everything she wants, im trying to appease her and nothing is ever good enough it's either 'you look too chubby', 'you're face looks dull, use more moisturiser.' 'are you working out?' i'm sick of it!" i hiccup, "as soon as i got there she just starts listening all the things i embarrass her with. 'no daughter of mine should be in college, i got a nice boy down the street who comes with money and would love to be with you if you lost a couple of pounds.' i dont want that har, i've studied my whole life to be here. i want to be a librarian, have my own little bookstore that is where my happiness is and im not going to let her drag me down." i finish my rants tears and snot running down my face and into my hands.

harry stays quite for a little bit, rocking us slowly back and forth, i feel his lips press against my head before he lifts my head to look at him. he wipes away my tears before smiling lightly.

"you're a fighter, bunny. im proud of you, for not letting this woman take control of your life. for being your own goddamn person." he whispered to me before yanking me into a hug and tickling my sides, a laugh erupts from me before i start thrashing in his arms

"harry! stop!" i laugh before he lays on top of my the air literally being knocked out of me, "oof! you fat ass get off of me!"

"gasp! how dare you!" he gives me a cheeky smile before rolling off of me. "want to go get fro yo? on me obviously."

"ugh!" i fake displeasure rolling my eyes, "only because you want some and are paying sure."

harrys pov

i watch as y/n throws a hoodie over her head, i pull my bottom lip between my teeth looking at her legs on display, nice thick thighs and a ass that would make god sin. her face fresh with tears making her glow as bright as a star, a beautiful natural blush on her brown skin, lips plump.

a down right goddess.

"can we stop by a 7/11, momma needs some chips." she smirks pulling me out of thought as i burst into laughter.

"you're a clown!" i snort sliding on some shoes and grabbing my lanyard, i open the door for her and let her slide through, taking time watching her walk from behind before joining her.

" 'm so lonely i might take up that woman's offer with the boy down the street." she breaks the silence shoving her keys in her purse, my heart plummets.

fuck no.

"bunny you can do so much better than a man that will only want you if you lost weight." i sternly say and she snorts.

"well im waiting and theres no one in a 20 mile radius that would want me."

if only you knew bunny.

LOVE YALL REQUEST MORE BULLSHIT!!

-all the love,

xo🐝

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chrispotatos · 5 months ago

Text

Pay attention- chris sturniolo

Dad!chris

warning: angst (if you squint), fluff.

summary: your son gets hurt when you were off doing something else and chris gets mad at you.

A/n: it gets harder to think of a title everyday

2:30 pm

it was the afternoon and i was on the couch, delicately painting my nails; a shade of pale pink. it was a rare moment of relaxation while also oddly quiet. around this time my son ryder finds somewhere to take a nap so it wasn't too unsettling.

that was up until i hear a thud and a startling cry come from the kitchen. my head snaps up and i drop the nail polish rushing into the kitchen, where i found my son ryder lying on the tiled floor crying.

next to him was a empty cup and i was trying to make sense of what just happend but couldn't.

"oh sweetie, are you ok?" my voice trembled in worry. i knealt down beside him scooping the 4yr old into my arms, his tiny legs straddling my lap and he cried into my shoulder.

"im gonna text daddy okay?" i reassure him, rubbing his back.

i carry him back to the couch where my phone was. i send chris a text explaining everything that happend. and he was now on his way home.

"how'd this happen ryder?" i questioned, rubbing his back to soothe him. it hushed his crys for the most part. but he was still sniffling and hiccuping, trying to calm down from all the pain he endured from the fall.

"i wanted to get you water.." he confessed and that made me feel more guilt then i already did.

"but why baby?"

"i wanted to supwise you" he sniffled lifting his head off my shoulder to look at me. i place a kiss on his forehead nodding my head, understanding the small gesture he tried to perform for me and failed.

I lay him down on the couch and put his head against a small throw pillow that was on the sofa then putting on his favorite movie to make him feel a bit better.

3:08 pm

the front door opens in a swift movement and slams shut.

"what happend? is he alright?" chris' voice sharp with worry, he made his way over to the couch kneeling infront of where our son was laying, brushing some hair out of his face.

"he slipped trying to get water for me" i explained my eyes pleading for him to understand. "im sorry, i know i should've been watching him closely"

Chris furrowed his eyebrows as he lifted ryder up into his arms, checking him for any marks.

"he could've seriously hurt himself" he muttered in a accusing tone.

my shoulders slump guilt washing over me all over again. I was distracted and caught up doing my own thing so much so that i was unaware of the danger unfolding just a room away.

chris laid the 4yr old back onto the couch letting the boy engross himself back into the movie he was watching.

"what were you doing anyway?" he questioned me, crossing his arms.

"my nails.." i admit unable to meet his gaze. "really" he scoffed.

"do you not care about him enough to just watch him. you can't just 'get distracted'. " his voice starts to raise "cause what would you have done if something worse happened"

"i know it was bad. imagine how i felt having to see him laid out on the ground.. in pain- it fucking killed me" my voice cracked, and my breath hitched in my throat, that's when tears started falling from my eyes. chris just narrow his eyes at me, shaking his head in disbelief.

i get off the couch and walk to our shared room, ashamed of myself and what happend to ryder made me feel like a terrible mother.

5:56 pm

i was laying in bed, watching tv still feeling anxious about the small argument me and chris shared earlier. my sadness and worry subsided to exhaustion.

i hear a small knock on the door, my eyes go follow where the noise came from and are met with chris' figure standing in the door frame.

he enters the room "can i talk to you?" he asked softly, approching the bed and sitting.

to that i sit up from my laying position and prop myself up against the pillows.

"i wanted to apologize for yelling at you" he started off. sighing, looking to my face searching for any emotions that might show how i was feeling.

"and i know you love him just as much as me. but in that moment i was scared and i was just mad at you and I'm sorry for that." he added

i took a deep understanding to his words and where he was coming from. to be fair i would have reacted the same way

"I'm sorry too, i should've been watching him." i mumbled.

"it's okay" chris reaches his arms out and wraps them around me. I lean into him, feeling the warmth and comfort of his embrace.

"you're a great mom y/n dont let this one incidentmake you think otherwise. and I'm sure ryder agrees" he rubs my back soothingly as steady reassurance, giving me a kiss on my head. we stay like this for a while, wrapped in eachothers arms finding solace in the simple act of being together.

"i ordered pizza. you want some?" the random question made a giggle fall from my lips. "I would love some pizza"

I pull away from the hug and place a kiss on his lips the action being reciprocated, and now we were off to the kitchen.

#chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo x reader #sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo fluff #matt x reader #matt sturniolo imagine #mattsturniolo #chris x reader #chris sturniolo fluff #chris sturniolo x you #chris sturniolo fanfic #christopher sturniolo x reader

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strongbabe2907 · 16 days ago

Text

Here’s a little review of Zepp Haneda - Dir en grey Who is this hell for tour 2024

In the morning i took a wrong train and almost ended in Yokohama, lmao. In the end i was there around 10:40 and we got the merch tickets.

After that we met up with a few people and had some food. The cafe/bar we went too was blasting Dir all day and played their pvs inside too, it was surreal but very cute.

Visnu brought the art books and it was so cool to see them irl before she put them in the gift box🥰 everyone worked so hard!! Go check out #SilverCoinProject if you haven’t! I’m not an artist i send in some pictures hehe. There’s also a picture in there of my gifts.. maybe i’ll post them later on social media now i have given them.

So we walked around a bit and went to the torii my friend recommended, but they were doing construction work right around it so it was a bit noisy.

When it was time for merch we found out todays sticker was Kaoru!! I hoped a shiny but unfortunately just normal ones. Still cute.

I bought more merch for friends and some standees, did some trading with other japanese fans and some gift exchange 🥰 honestly everyone has been so nice and sweet.

We god dinner before the show and i started to get nervous again.. we split up waiting because we had different numbers and i was very focused on the counting haha.

I had 235 for vip which got me… 6th row maybe? Second barrier in zepp. Which was.. i had hoped for a bit closer but it is what it is.

Again i was between Kaoru and Kyo and looked at them most. Shinya wore his white outfit, Die also wore a white outfit. I think Toshiya was all black? He wore the shorts with something on top and dramatic separate sleeves.

Kaoru looked amazing! He was in all black. Black dress shirt with big collar. Wearing a small, wide black tie. His waistcoat thing and trousers/shorts were the same texture/print. The waistcoat was much more wide/baggy and shorter in the front and longer in the back. I think it had 2 rows of 3 buttons on it. The shorts were just passed his knees and veryy wide with big pockets on the sides. He wore black leggings with them again. Black dr martens and i think socks?

His hair was pulled back in a little ponytail and he had two strands loose in the front. One behind his ear and one just loose. He had the usual make up, little fangs, eyeliner and dark shading especially around his head. He was the only one that didn’t change for the encore.

Kyo wore the same simple outfit. I still couldn’t make out the tat very well, but thought i could discern some points to it.. Visnu later mentioned she thinks it’s either like a little star or a cross?

He wore low black doc martens this time.

His voice was just 💯from the start. They seemed more energetic/relaxed than the first show (which was still really good btw). He did some dancing (god he’s so tiny..) and moved around and took his earpieces out to listen to the crowd sing/shout. Closer to the end he pointed at two people, one right ahead of me. I think one of them had made a tattoo like him and he was smiling? Cute.

Also HELLOOO obscure was so awesome. It was the more recent version which i personally prefer. It was so cool!! And i mentioned this on twitter already but Kaoru didnt do much wahwah but he did grunt along with tsumi no kisei and was doing tough guy act to the crowd and singing along with a song (sorry cant remember which) for a long but, it was really cute. They switched sides once i think. My friends said there was almost a twin towers collision but i didnt see.

After the last song (Eddie), Kyo did a big smile and said ‘bye bye’ and he was off.

Shinya’s drumstick landed right next to my foot but i was busy looking at Kaoru😭😂🙈(he was also throwing stuff). Then girl next to me notices a tiny but before me and bend down to grab it, but it was fine i mosty found it funny i missed it cos i was going 👁️ at Kao.

Everyone but Kyo also threw a tour towel.. maybe shinya didnt? Im not sure. Toshiya was smiling and put his face in it before tossing it in the crowd lol. Kaoru also threw it near the front and Die tied a knot in it again and pitched it to the back of the venue lol.

So good live! Girls around me were lively but i was standing at a bit of a dead area in the crowd?? I liked both citta and zepp even though the vibes were different. (Citta was def more intense)

After the show we got the vip bags! They’re very cute. And now i try and recover a little before heading to Kyoto.

#kyo #dir en grey #kaoru #京 #薫 #toshiya #die #shinya #who is this hell for tour 2024 #dir en grey live review #dir en grey review #zepp haneda

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urfavnegronerd · 1 year ago

Text

agape- nicholas britell

summary: miles is takin down ur braids

published: july 27, 2023

warnings: Grammarly hates me, the patriarchy, a dash of toxic masculinity, miles being a product of that grrah grah boom type masculinity, aave (no im not translating shit for you yall got access to urban dictionary and its not really a warning), i edited it myself so lmk if there are any mistakes

sueñito- little dream, bonito- handsome/ pretty boy, no me importa- i don't care/ it's not important to me

w/c: 1.5 k

reader's black coded cus im black so deal w it <3

i think this something every black boy be needin deep down

“Stop movin, ma”

“It’s knotty,”

“You had these in for how long?”

Silence.

“There's your answer right there, mama,”

“Sorry,”

“Nun to be sorry for, just hold still,”

Currently sitting on the bathroom floor criss-cross apple sauce, Miles was sitting on the toilet, your head between his knees, while he was taking down the frizzy lemonade braids that barely hugged your scalp anymore.

“Miles?”

He hums in response, rat tail comb in one hand, a tub of coconut oil in the other, threading the tail of the comb through the extensions down your back

“You’re the prettiest boy in all of Brooklyn,”

“Shut up”

“Prettiest boy I’ve ever seen,”

“Nuh-uh,”

“Fuck you mean ‘nuh uh’? The little freckles all over your cheeks? Cutest things I’ve ever seen, especially how they’re all slightly different shades, like lil polka dots all over your face, gives me a map a’ where to kiss. The little tiny dimple on the left side of your face? Adorable, 10/10, no notes. Also very kissable." He's still now, staring at the back of your head, using bundles strewn over his shoulder, mouth agape. “Them thick and long ass eyelashes? I could stare at ‘em all day, they look like teeny tiny butterfly wings when you rest your eyes.”

“Shut up,” he whispers, still unmoving, the little dab of coconut oil on his fingers slowly dribbling down his wrist

“Your mind pretty as hell, too, I like listening to what you have to hear when you let me,” you mumble, pressing tiny kisses into his cargo pant–clad kneecap.

“Stop doin that shit, ma”

“What?”

“Talkin all crazy like that,”

“I’m not talkin crazy, miles I’m being honest,”

“You makin me out to be some weak ass lil boy,”

“Miles.” you turn around abruptly, staring at him dead in the eye. “I’m jus being honest wit you. What's going on?”

“It’s nothin, ma, turn around”

“Sueñito. Lemme know what's up,”

“It’s nothin,”

You huff, turning around to face the bottom of the sink again. Silence bellows throughout the bathroom, Miles rubbing oil on your braids to detangle them to later drag the comb in once again and throw the discarded hair extension over his shoulder. The only sound between the two of you is the Marvin Gaye spinning on the record player, rooms away, dull basslines thrumming through the apartment.

“Ion like this,”

“What?”

“Whatever jus happened, we talk about what's bothering us,”

“Ain't nothin botherin me, ma,”

“Then why you start buggin' the second I get to complimenting you?”

“Cus ian wit all that girly shit,”

“Fuck you mean girly shit, I’m jus tryna love up on you Miles,” your nostrils flare as you stare ahead of you.

“Baby, I’m all for that but–”

“Miles, did someone tell you boys can't get that?”

A silence.

“Baby.”

“What?”

“Jus cus you a boy dont mean you don't deserve love,”

“Aint nobody say allat–”

“Shut up Ian done,” you say, swiftly turning around and snagging the oil and comb from his hand “jus cus you a boy doesn't mean you don't deserve to feel shit miles. Ion know what it was like wit your last girl, but Ian her. Okay? You allowed to be a person wimme, you know that right?”

“Ma–”

“Shut up I still ain't done yet. Miles I’m real, I’m right here. real like you, I promise you I’m not goin nowhere right now,”

“You done?”

“Yeah,”

“C’mere,” he motions to his lap, taking the comb and oil out of your hands and setting them on the tiled floor, laying out the discarded bundles.

“ ‘s oil all up on my hands”

“No me importa ma, come up on here,”

Obeying and wiping the excess coconut oil off your hand, you do. Straddling his lap, and looking into his eyes, examining the twinge of sadness in his eyes.

“Talk to me, mama,”

“I want you to know that you deserve love and that you’re allowed to feel some typa way. I want you to talk to me, Miles. I care about you so much and I wanna make sure you’re good. I love hearing you talk, but Ion like havin to beg you to talk to me. I love jus bein in your presence, but I hate feelin like that Miles. I don’t know who told you whatever's going through your head right now but they dead wrong. I wanna know how you be feelin, I wanna know.”

“Why you even talk like this to me?”

“Cus I’m your girl, n I like to kiss up on you and love all up on you,”

At this, he averts his eyes, trying to escape your gaze, his breath audibly speeding up.

“Mm mm, don't do that Miles. Please breathe,”

You plead, subconsciously pressing your middle three fingers under his jaw trying to measure his heart rate. Almost as a reflex to hide from you, he shrugs your hand away from under his jaw and pulls his hoodie over his mouth.

“Nah nah, don't hide from me neither,”

“Ain’t nobody hidin from you,”

“Jus cus you a boy don’t mean you don't deserve them random ass cuddles, or someone to tie up your durag or wash your hair. It don’t mean you shouldn't get flowers or hugs or them lil hickies behind your ear. Don't mean you not allowed to be sad or mad or wanna cry. Now Ion know who told you or made you feel that way but they dead wrong Miles. You allowed to feel with me,”

“Ian some lil boy runnin around though, that shit ain't for me,”

“If you wasn't supposed to feel and acknowledge your feelings, why would you be able to feel them? They there for a reason,”

Still straddled on his lap, he looks up at you with the tiny leverage you have on him. His eyes are big and doe-like, almost as if he’s scared to make this next step, say this next sentence.”

“Ion know why,” he mumbles, voice soft and scared. suddenly he’s kissin up on you, gripping anything he can get his hands on, like he’s making up for lost time, lost feelings. It's urgent and a little rough, though his lips are soft and velvety, a twinge of menthol chapstick on them.

“Yo yo yo, slow down. Ian goin nowhere” you whisper into his mouth, nails gently raking across his neck “ ‘m right here Miles, see?” you ask, guiding his hands to feel on the left side of your chest, right above your heart. “ ‘s my heart under there, I'm right here okay? I’m real, Miles I swear,”

“You’re real?” he whispers, breath shaky and uneven fisting the thin fabric of your camisole under the evergreen zip-up, in an attempt to feel more of your heart.

“You allowed to feel your feelings the same way you feel my heart,”

He still looks astonished, scared, and frozen. suddenly it wasn’t him you were talking to anymore. it was the scared little Brooklyn boy who had all these feelings stored away inside him, unsure of what to do or who to show them to.

“ ‘m sitting right here miles. I’m your girl, okay? This is real, and you are real,”

“I’m real?” tears begin to swim in his eyes.

“You’re real miles. and those feelings in that big heart of yours? Those are real too. And if you let me, I wanna hear all of 'em.”

His body stills once more against you, a small tear gliding down his cheek.

“I love you,”

And then he’s sobbing.

“Sshh, hey it's okay” you whisper, holding him close to your chest. “I love you so much I can’t hardly breathe when I'm around you. It’s okay and you're okay, Miles. I’m real and this is real and you. You are real.” you mumble into his braids, holding him with the protectiveness of a mother with a small child.

He just sat there, his head buried in your chest as he cried quietly, letting everything out. You just sat and let him cry and vent through his tears. All the things he had bottled up, discouraged to show to anyone. Sooner or later the tears slow to a stop, his face puffy and hot.

Gently tugging the ends of his braids, he looks up at you.

“You feel better sueñito?” you ask, dragging the cuff of your sweater to dry his face and pressing butterfly kisses to his cheeks in its wake. He did nothing but nod lazily, seemingly lighter, and nuzzling his face into your chest.

“Lemme finish wiping up your face n then you can be all up on me, bonito, okay?

He just nodded, dropping his head back to rest against the bathroom wall, the half-taken-out braids on your scalp no longer th task at hand. Reaching behind him you grab a baby wipe and swipe the tears and snot off his face, leaving his skin with a glossy finish. Holding his chin up, you look dead in his eyes.

“You so beautiful Miles.”

And this time, he nods.

🩷 reblogs are always appreciated for reach <3

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minhosimthings · 10 months ago

Text

A La Folie ft. Jay

Synopsis: Wounds came and went. All in the circle of life am I right? The greatest warrior among all the kings, Park Jay. For him, seeing blood was like seeing the sky. It was a daily routine which he could not escape. Yes sometimes he had grave injuries, which he wouldn't stop to take care of, with him being a workaholic. But sometimes healers do more than heal physical wounds, and for Jay, you did exactly that.

Pairings: King!Jay × healer!fem!reader

Warnings: angst, fluff, no smut (yet hehe), mentions of blood, violence, domestic abuse, mentions of cheating, mistresses (don't read it if you can't handle it), mentions of food, Jay has a REALLY tragic past sorry bout that, reader is an orphan, also this is really dramatic IM SORRY I CANT NOT WRITE DRAMA, open ending oohh

A/N: EYYY MR JAY PARK WOOHOO Ngl I was so excited to write this but the exams and all made this kinda difficult to write so if anyone has been waiting for this I'm sorry for the extremely long wait. Also yes this wil be in three parts yay. @yunabi436 this is for you baby 😽

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3

The French Quotes Series Masterlist

"And from Aphrodite's rotten lovesick blood did the white flowers turn into a darker shade of red, eternally forming the flower of love."

Aphrodite and the hunter Adonis' tale had been one of boars, blood, lust and love.

For the young king of the iron-kingdom of Vadronia (rightly given its moniker), the only thing he cared about in all of those four things were the boars and the blood.

Jay Park's kingdom wasn't the strongest in all of Paradoxica just in a penny's wish and a flick of a tail feather. It was quote unquote 'molten from iron itself' as all its rulers were.

From all of his brothers, Jay was probably the one who took his duties as a warrior seriously.

Well, a bit too seriously, according to the said brothers.

"Jay would you please stop running so fast?" Sunghoon panted, putting his hands on his knees and breathing heavily as beads of sweat dripped from his hair and skin.

The mud track was always the hardest one to trench upon, and with Jay on your trail? It was hell. Atleast that's what Jake and Sunghoon described it as.

"Are you going to be saying that when you're running from enemy horses?" Jay turned back and glared at Sunghoon, the light autumn breeze giving him peace as it whipped his hair around.

"For God's sake Jay, no one is going to invade us now." Heeseung walked into the scene, with much less sweatier clothes and an arrow clutched in his hand, indicating he had come back from his target practice, "Give the poor guys a break."

"Yes please give us a break I'll go down on my knees." Jake was close to collapsing on the floor, his hand desperately clutching onto the nearby flag pole for support.

"You'd go down on your knees for your best friend." Jay scoffed, throwing his head back to shake the sweat out of his hair follicles, because as glorious as they were, the stray strands still annoyed him, "And you." He turned towards Heeseung, who, even though was much taller than Jay, now looked like a dwarf in front of Jay's broad figure, "How many times do I have to remind you to come for practice?"

"It's not my fault." Heeseung jut out his bottom lip, he always loved acting cute in front of Jay even if he was older, "Little princess back at home has been spying on me. And not gonna lie, I am extremely aroused."

"Why did I even ask?" Jay rolled his eyes and stretched out his arms, the bright burning sun reflecting in his eyes like the moonshine he loved so much, which he drank by the fireplace as he penned down poetry he could show to no one.

"So Jayyyy" Sunghoon dragged his words out, "Felt any sparks lately?"

"Ask that question again and you'll be running twenty laps round this track." Jay promptly replied, cleaning his face with the lavender-smelling towel the nearby servant handed to him. He always loved the lavender scented things, it reminded him of the springs with his mother, oh how she would tease him with tiny flowers in his hair, and the clink of her ruby created dagger in her belt. The dagger lay soulless now, sitting in a secretive place in Jay's room, as he stared at it and remembered that moment again and again. His bastard father, no matter how many times Jay had cursed him, he still couldn't get it out of his mind.

His mother, his compassionate, kind mother, didn't deserve to bleed out from his father's turn of blade.

And no matter how many potions he took, the smell of the blood filled ballroom still lingered in his nose at night, when he would jolt awake in cold sweat, wanting to cling onto his mother, but then he'd remember that he wasn't eight anymore, she was gone.

"Jay you're my brother and I really respect you a lot." Heeseung started, sitting Jay down on the oak bench, while Jake and Sunghoon quietly sneaked out, running for their lives back to their horses, "But you've got to find someone to love in your life, you've got to get over your fear."

"Weren't you the one who was complaining about love to Jake and I a few days ago?" Jay raised a magnificently trimmed brow, to which Heeseung chuckled.

"Yep but then I fell into that rabbit hole and I seem to like it, a bit too much perhaps." Heeseung stared into the distance, instantly losing his dramatic moment as the setting sun hit his pupils.

"Yeah, someday when I'm older maybe." Jay fiddled with his fingers, he never could keep them still, "But for now, I wanted to ask if you'd want to come with me on a hunt tomorrow?"

"A hunt?" Heeseung quizzed, lifting himself with much difficulty off of the bench, bow in hand, "You haven't invited me to a hunt in ages."

"Necessity is the mother of invention." Jay got up as well, scented towel still in hand, "And in this case it's that wild boar our men have been hunting since last month, been terrorizing the border between Tarnow and Vadronia now. I'm surprised you haven't noticed yet."

"Consider me blinded by love." Heeseung threw a flirtatious wink at Jay, who visibly gagged, "I'll be there."

"I'll be waiting."

"No no no, Jay, we, under no circumstances, apply essence of Hibiscus to a water snake's venom." A lady with greying hair sighed, bending over a wooden cup, while a sturdy, black haired man gulped heavily and stared nervously at the herbs in his hand.

Jay was never very successful in his healing classes, and under the strict gaze of his teacher, old Mrs.Chun, he was far away from catching the train of success.

"I don't get it." Jay frowned like a child, setting the hibiscus flower down on the table filled with healing equipments of all kind, "Wasn't the essence of Hibiscus supposed to combat this snake's venom?"

The old lady sighed again and rolled her eyes, snatching the hibiscus from the table and setting it into a basket full of the bright red flowers. With her other hand, she picked up a wicker work basket of lavender and lifted it up to Jay.

"Lavender. I said lavender remember?" She smiled up at Jay like an encouraging teacher, "Lavender for the wounds which make a man turn purple, and hibiscus for the blood drops."

Jay mumbled the rule under his mouth before pressing the lavender petals to the venom splanched across the bown om front of him. The purplish colour immediately turned a healing shade of dark yellow, satisfying Jay and letting out a sigh of relief from the old lady.

"Just some more practice and patience and you'll be a good healer in no time." Mrs. Chun patted Jay's arm sympathetically.

"But why do I even need to be a healer?" Jay asked curiously, putting the box of potions up on the shelf where they belonged, "I'm already a warrior."

"Every great warrior needs to know how to tend to his own wounds." The old lady smiled, looking curiously at a green flask, "I made a vow to your mother to never let you fail in this subject."

Jay smiled fondly at the thought of his mother spending her hours in the infirmary along with Mrs. Chun. Mrs. Chun herself was like his mother figure, providing him the hugs his 14 year old self needed so bad years ago.

"And remember Jay!" Mrs. Chun called out just as Jay was about to leave the room, "I won't be here for the entirety of next month."

"But then who's going to look after the infirmary?" Jay turned back and raised a quizzical brow at Mrs.Chun, who smiled gently.

"My apprentice will." She promptly replied, "She's a nice girl, I told her all about your predicament of failing at healing." Jay let out a chuckle at Mrs.Chun's joke, "She'll take your classes alright?"

"Don't miss me too much Mrs.Chun!" Jay laughed, "I'm your favourite remember?"

Mrs.Chun laughed heartily to herself. Oh that boy, she thought, still a bit at heart even if he was a man to the world.

Only a bit of love perhaps, can truly lead him to show this side of him to the world.

Jay sighed heavily as he plopped down on his armchair, the most comfortable one by the fire.

Love, he scoffed, what a stupid, dangerous thing.

He believed his father to love his mother, he believed his mother to love his father even as he went out every night to quote unquote 'find himself'. Mistresses were awful buisness, and no Queen had ever objected her king having one. But of course, his mother had to object, she had to be different. She had to storm in to her husband and his lover and confront them. And his father, fire-filled man he was, had to strike a blade through her belly, making her bleed out in 14 year old Jay's arms.

And of course, Jay, blinded by his rage, had to strike his father back, skilled as his father was, Jay was more fleet footed, and in the blink of an eye, his father and his father's new toy were lying in cold blood on the floor, as Jay sobbed, clutching his mother's body, dead as a fish out of the ocean.

And his brothers had noticed, they had always noticed how Jay was never the same from that day. From the happy boy who loved to write stories and poetry and who hated to even step foot in the training yard, Jay became the mercenary king, ready with his sword clutched in hand, and his poems long forgotten to silence and withering darkness.

But it wasn't to say that Jay was a ruthless ruler, he chose not to take that path, especially not after half the kingdom starved under the rule of his father. It wouldn't have been a lie to say he was the kindest one in all of Paradoxica, except he didn't really show it in the way he spoke or acted, but by the way he controlled the administration and whatnot of the kingdom. This kept his busy, seldom leaving time for any other activities, much to the disappointment of his brothers, especially Heeseung, who had always been the closest to him, who had known what he was truly like, deep inside.

Clutching his eagle feather quill, one of his most dearest ones, Jay dipped the tip into his ink pot, letting the excess ink dry off before pressing it to his leather bound diary.

When he wrote the feelings he couldn't ever say out loud onto the softwood paper, Jay felt a sort of contentment, he had always been a clandestine philophile, so to write his proses on the idea of love, death and misery, was to create a beautiful choreography on his mindset.

Alas, if there was only someone he could show them to, someone who would understand what Jay meant in the lines, even with his messy loopy calligraphy, that would have been a dream truly come true.

But how could a man who wrote poems to challenge the angels of love themselves, ever find love?

But I am a mere narrator, what would I know?

And sometimes, just sometimes, Cupid lurked in the ballrooms of dancing princes and in the dark inkpots of oxymoronic kings.

"I have no idea what's happening, but I'm happy to be here." Sunghoon's beautiful Clydesdale horse pranced around on the grass, as energetic and as similar a persona as her owner.

"Would you tell her to calm down?" Heeseung's own chestnut's hooves guided him towards Sunghoon, "She needs the energy for the hunt." Heeseung easily managed to calm the mare down by scratching behind her eyes, to which Sunghoon drooped since he had been enjoying the prancing around a bit too much.

"Why are we going on a hunt again?" Jake adjusted his saddle, making sure he was buckled in properly to his Fox Trotter horse, "Aren't we above killing animals now?"

"Your best friend tell you that?" The clip clopping of Jay's magnificent Dutch Warmblood sent all of the soldiers to silence, "And if the animal is a wild boar, no we aren't above that."

"Whatever you say, oh great King." Sunghoon snickered, as he did a sort of bow on his horse, making everyone laugh.

"Oh shut up." Jay rolled his eyes, clutching onto his horse's hair, and leaning into his usual stance, "Come on now, don't want to keep a beauty waiting do we?" And with the mighty neigh of his horse, he rode off into the forest, followed by Heeseung, Jake and Sunghoon, who followed with dramatic sighs.

"Sometimes I wonder if he just wants to live in an adventure book and say cringey lines all the time." Sunghoon jested, making the others laugh.

"Where on earth is Sunoo?" Jay shouted out, completely ignoring the statement made about him, as the rest of the three managed to catch up to his horse's pace.

"Probably tending to his vineyard." The wind whipped Jake's hair around, "God knows if he'd ever accept coming to a hunt with us."

"Maybe a grape hunt-"

"Shh!"

Jay's action of stopping his horse, and shushing everyone startled the others, and as the clopping of hooves quietened down, they understood why Jay had stopped so abruptly.

The rustling of the nearby begonia bushes, combined with the noises of an animal which sounded extremely similar to a wild boar, alerted them, as they drew out their swords, daggers and metal tipped arrows, all from treasure chest of Vadronia's amazing metalwork, aiming them at the begonia bushes, as Jay held up his closed fist to give the command.

"Come on out." Jay whispered to no one in particular but himself, as the begonia bushes began shaking more rapidly and the sounds of an animal's footsteps came nearer.

"Hey maybe we should-" Heeseung bagan quietly to Jay, but was interrupted by the ripping of the begonias into shreds.

And there it was, what Jay had been waiting for.

A big wild boar in its full magnificence.

Ivory tusks in full gleam, swathes of brown fur all over its damaged skin, with wounds from previous hints. A ture display of its strength, Jay thought, it wanted to intimidate them, as if to say 'see how many people haven't defeated me yet, why do you think you stand a chance?'.

"Steady now, Lady." Jay patted his horse, which was ever so graciously named Lady, although the mare's personality in battle was far away from a lady's. Jay always preferred mares to horses, he though they were more faster and agile, while horses used their brute strength. And he had a hatred from brute strength. It was what got her killed after all.....

"Jake look out!" Heeseung cried out, snapping Jay out of his daze of staring into the boar's eyes. Of all the animals of the world, he hated this one the most, he hated the way his father loved to hunt them, and how he'd come home from hunts everyday drenched in blood with a boar skull im his hands, from which his mother would recoil from, what with her hatred of the smell of iron.

Hatred, that's all that was there in Jay's life. And that's all there will be.

"Jay, we have to get back come on!" Sunghoon cried, his horse already galloping away. The boar was far too big for them to contain. "Jay?" Heeseung peered back, "Jay no!"

But the sturdy built man's ears heeded no warning as he stepped along to the boar, his sword clutched tightly in hand, the carving of his name in the metal shining bright, as if to warn the spirit of the forest that he has arrived.

"Hyung what's happe-" Jake and Sunghoon's horses had turned back to see why the eldest wasn't coming, only to see Jay stabbing at the boar, while Heeseung tried to get Lady, who was close to prancing away into the depths of the forest.

"Help me would ya!" Heeseung cried, flinging his rope around Lady's magnificent neck, to which Sunghoon and Jake came quick and flung their own ropes, "One of you help Jay!"

"I'll go!" Sunghoon's horse galloped towards Jay, but to his shock, he saw that the boar was already lying, its movements still, and Jay standing drenched in blood.

It was dead.

Jay's sword was decorated with ribbons of maroon.

"Jay what the..." Sunghoon began, but he could find no words. The boar had been big, two times the size and strength of any ordinary man, and now it was kneeling at Jay's command, kneeling dead and cold as a fish.

"It's dead." Jay growled, his breathing too heavy, and his hand clutching a particularly dark spot on his stomach, as Heeseung and Jake came to the scene, having calmed Lady down, "The tusk...."

"The tusk? What about the- Jay!" Heeseung cried, before jumping off his horse and quickly moving towards Jay's graceful falling figure.

The last thing Jay felt was the feeling of wet grass underneath his head, Heeseung's hand over his wrist, and the familiar scent of feminine lavender pressing over him before everything went dark as he had always wished for it to be.

Jay never cared much about his injuries. No matter how big or small they were, no matter if it was a paper cut to the thumb or an arrow head to the shoulder, he would simply say "Injuries happen, it's a part of life" and move on. Which proved to be a source of annoyance for his brothers, especially Jake, who had an eye for healing.

But Jay was a firm believer in the notion that twenty four hours a day simply wasn't enough. He wanted more, he craved for more, more time, more work. Although he wouldn't admit it, everyone was in unison with the fact that he was Paradoxica's biggest workaholic.

And when it came back to the topic of injuries, Jay would still keep working, whether or not he was stuck in bed, because Heeseung had forced him to stay there.

Heeseung remembered Jay's younger days. How Jay would whine and do nothing if he got even the tiniest splinter in his finger. How he would beg for a day off from studies if he merely stubbed his tie against the kitchen ladder while sneaking out to steal pastries. But the horrible incident had changed every aspect of Jay, and now, he wouldn't stop working if every limb in his body was broken.

"All for the good of the people" he reasoned.

Usually Mrs.Chun had taken care of him, scolded him too many times about taking rests whenever he'd come back from battles or fights with blood flowing out his nose. But even then he didn't care. So the vision of waking up to Mrs.Chun's berry scent was a norm for him whenever he'd get injured.

But now, the room wasn't berry scented, and nor was Mrs. Chun sitting in the corner, waiting for him to wake up.

A girl?

A girl, wearing Mrs.Chun's apron, had her head rested against his table, her eyes fluttered close.

Were his eyes tricking him or did Mrs.Chun suddenly become thirty years younger?

Feeling something heavy on his waist, Jay tried to lift his head from his pillow, letting out a guttural groan as he did. God what was hurting him so much? He could feel something hurting at his stomach.

"Your Majesty, lie back down." He heard someone say, and as he opened his eyes, he saw the girl bending over him, forcing him to lie back down on the bed.

Jay stared at her for a few moments, trying to remember who she is before the candle went off in his mind.

The apprentice.

You were Mrs.Chun's apprentice.

"Are you Mrs.Chun's apprentice?" Jay groaned, feeling his head throb and his fingers were aching too.

You nodded promptly, before pushing Jay gently back onto the bed as he tried to get back.

"I'm sorry to inform you, Your Majesty, but you aren't getting up for another two weeks. You were stabbed by a wild boar's tusk." You stated firmly, shocking Jay at how casually you had addressed him, "His Highness Heeseung told me to handcuff you to the bed if you even try to move."

"Handcuff me?" Jay chuckled, moving his body slightly to lessen the pressure on his legs, "Where are you even going to get-"

Jay's sentence was cut off abruptly as your hands pulled out a pair of heavy metal from a secret pocket in the olive green dress you were wearing, and held it in front of Jay, effectively silencing him.

"I'm sorry if that was rude, but you are my patient, Your Majesty.." Your mouth let out a chuckle, sending a weird sensation into Jay's stomach, which he had never felt before, "So, I will do anything and everything in order to make you rest."

"So what may I address you by, My lady?" Jay quizzed you, his head now no longer throbbing for some reason. He studied your features for a while, he thought your eyes were pretty, decorated by a thin lining of kohl. Your figure was pretty too, wrapped in the striking colour of the dress you were in, combined with the beautifully familiar way you wore your hair.

"Definetly not by 'My lady'." You chuckled, picking up your dress, and sinking into a curtsy, "Y/N, you may call me Y/N, Your Majesty."

"Pretty name." Jay complemented, watching you stand up straight from your curtsy and smile impishly at him.

"You've got to take your medicine now." You reached into your apron's pocket and pulled a big vial, which was filled with a bubbling, golden liquid, "Now, according to Mrs.Chun, tricks by pretty people often work on you."

"Pretty people?" Jay scoffed childishly, thinking about whether or not he thought Heeseung was pretty, as you measured out the liquid into a cup, "Mrs.Chun needs to have a check for up there. And do you really think you're pretty?"

You strode towards him with the cup in your hand, and smiled widely. "Well, pardon me Your Majesty, but from the way you were staring at me five minutes ago, yes. I do think I'm pretty."

"Don't get your ego up." Jay warned, taking the cup from you, letting his mind linger for a few minutes on how your delicate fingers brushed his scarred ones softly, "Your parents mus'nt have taught you manners did they?"

"Well, firstly, I don't have parents." You smiled, "And secondly I need to check your bandages, they seem to be bleeding again."

So that was what the pain radiating from his stomach was, Jay thought, as he looked down to see his bandages streaked a darker shade of red. He quickly gulped down the golden liquid in the cup, a visibly disgusted expression forming on his face at how bitter it was, and looked up at you, with widened eyes.

"So...?" He said, expectantly, seeing you fumble with some clean cloth, another vial of what looked like cream, and a safety pin.

"Tell me where it hurts when I change them alright?" You said gently, making his lay down on the bed again, "and uh..."

"What?" Jay questioned, seeing your eyes linger at his wound or more specifically, his ab muscles, "Oh you can touch them it's fine."

"Oh. Oh yeah alright." You said, feeling your face heat up slightly. Bandaging him when he was still unconscious was easier than this, when he was awake. God his stare was so attractive to you, even now, as you gently touched his bandages, replacing them with cleaner cloth, you tried hard not to brush your fingers against his abs.

"Enjoying the view?" Jay asked, a cockish sneer to his voice. "There's a view to enjoy Your Majesty?" You fired back, although you most certainly were enjoying staring at him.

"You're an interesting one." Jay said, trying to make small talk as you lightly pressed against the smaller wounds with the cream, "Y/N wasn't it?"

"Yep." You said with a pop of your lips, finishing wrapping his wounds with a slight tap to check if they were secure, "And please do stay in bed and don't work. If you need anything, I'm right outside. His highness Heeseung has told me to rest in the chambers opposite yours."

The chambers opposite to his, his parents' chambers. God did Jay hate that room, all big and filled with skulls from hunts.

"If you want to you can go home, I can manage on myself." Jay said, his eyes set on yours. Why was it so hard to maintain eye contact with you?

"I know how that idea works." You smiled again, bringing that weird sensation back into Jay's stomach, "I'll go and then you'll order someone to bring you your work, so His Highness Heeseung specifically asked me not to leave. I guess you're stuck with me Your Majesty." You curtsied to finish off the impression.

"Jay." He spoke again, to your confusion, which made him stifle a chuckle, "Please, call me Jay."

"Jay." You smiled to yourself, "Well, ring that bell if you need anything."

As you left the room, quietly shutting the door behind you, Jay had the sudden urge to kick his feet in the air. The room was filled with lavender scent, your lavender scent to be specific, and it gave Jay a sense of calm, which in turn reduced the pain radiating from his stab wound.

Well this would be an interesting two weeks.

"Your Majesty what on Earth are you doing?"

Jay froze in his position at hearing a stern voice. Your stern voice, to be precise.

"Resting?" He said, trying to hide his cheeky smile, as he slowly backed away from his table. Rolling your eyes, you quickly got him back to the bed, worried that his bandages will open back again. But the only thing Jay was worried about was that his work wasn't getting completed.

"How about this?" You asked, as you finally managed to wrestle him back to the bed, "I'll do the work for you, if you agree to rest. It's in that diary right?"

"I can't let you do that." Jay grumbled, reaching for your arm, as you hurried to get to the diary on his table. The cold touch of his hand on your warmer skin made you flinch heavily, which in turn made Jay pull his hand away.

"I'm sorry." Jay quickly apologised, as you rubbed your arm, "I- That's my private diary, I don't really allow people to see it."

"Oh, my apologies then." You curtsied, still rubbing your arm, feeling extremely cold for some reason, even if the warm daylight was coming into the room through the window, "Your Majesty-"

"Jay." He corrected, shooting you the tiniest fragment of a smile.

"Jay." You said again, this time feeling more at ease, "You've got to rest, I'm begging you. Those bandages won't magically heal you until you rest. If there's anything I can do to get you to rest, I'll do it."

Jay's ears weren't actually listening to anything. His mind was too distracted again, by your scent. God damn his strong sense of smell, but you smelled like memories he wanted to forget.

"Tell me what perfume you use and then I won't work." Jay looked up at you with a cheeky smile. He didn't know why, but he felt comfortable to show you his smile, which he didn't often feel with the ladies in their paraffin socks.

"I- that's a peculiar question." You said, not knowing what to feel aboutthe actual King asking you about your perfume.

"I swear on my own grave that I will rest if the great healer Y/N tells me her perfume." Jay recited, keeping his hand on his chest for dramatic effect.

"It's the lavender one we get in the town square from Marcella's." You raised your chin up high, "Now would you rest?"

"Hmmm let me think." Jay dramatically sighed, "No."

"Your Majesty, I will beg." You breathed desperately, "I will seriously-"

"Your collarbone." Jay interrupted, his attention diverting from your eyes to your shoulder, "There's something on your collarbone."

Jay took note of the way your eyes flickered quickly and worriedly to your collarbone, and how you rushed to pull the sleeve of your dress up to cover it, clearing your throat afterwards to clear the awkward air.

"Are you-"

"Your Majesty, I admire the way you hold so much strivance for your work but you really must rest if you wish to keep working for the rest of your life."

The atmosphere of the room had a drastic change, Jay could feel it, as you quickly curtsied, said a quick "excuse me" and hurried off towards the exit.

That wasn't a stain or a birth mark on your shoulder Jay knew it, as he leant back comfortably, and decided to follow your advice for a while.

He'd seen dark marks like that on someone he once knew and loved.

And something in him asked him not to rest (unless it was pretending for you) until he figured out where that bruise the size of a man's hand, came from.

Part 2 coming soon....

Tags: @amazzwon @heeseungshim @kvmariii @mwahvvis @hottiewifeyyyy @sacrificeatmeup @perfectnighttt @yawnzzhoon @yunabi436

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rrxnjun · 2 years ago

Text

portrait of a blank slate. huang renjun

pairing: huang renjun x fem! reader genre: college au. fluff, smut, and the tiniest bit of angst. warnings: swearing, alcohol, angry man renjun, very bad dialogue, this is the most un-renjun fic i've ever written, dry humping, a heavy makeout session, unfinished blowjob word count: 5.8k playlist: no specific one this time but i listened to a lot of keshi while writing this, so have this playlist of mine to fit the vibes a/n: inspired by that one tweet describing how someone's art professor met his wife the same exact way, lost the screenshot and also the og post im so sorry!

turns out all it takes to save a life is a bad, bad college party, a few shots and a weird, magical coincidence back in a girl's dorm room.

It’s hard to believe that Huang Renjun is currently finishing up the art portfolio he needs for his summer internship program after procrastinating and angrily stomping at every single bad stroke of his paintbrush for the last few months.

Because he’s not.

He’s looking at the canvas with stern eyes, the smudges on the white linen so messy he could cry just by looking at them, and the more he tries to save the disgrace currently scribbled in front of him, the worse it gets and makes the levels of frustration in him turn into rage and fury, because let’s be honest– what is Renjun’s primary emotion if not anger.

And he tries hard to fix it again, he really does– he sighs heavily while doing so as he takes a smaller brush and tries to paint on a few hairstrokes to the portrait of Frida Kahlo he wants to execute– and in honest reality, it doesn’t even look half as bad as it does in the poor boy’s eyes when he takes a step back after holding in his breath and carefully piercing together the artwork. Maybe if there was someone else in the room– everyone but his annoying roommate Donghyuck, because that fucker always manages to make things even worse– they could talk him out of it, offer some words of consolidation, even, hype him up and tell him that with outsider’s eyes, the canvas looks beautiful and very well put together. But the truth is that there’s no one present right now, not a single soul in what feels like the whole campus right now, that could ease Huang Renjun’s frustration from what seems to be art block, when he throws the paintbrush to the wall (he’ll worry about the stain of acrylic paint later, when he gains consciousness) and puts a fist through the middle of the painting.

If he was a character in a comic book, his hand would go through the canvas and create a quite satisfying hole. He’s a real person, though– a weak one as well, to be quite honest– and his fist is stopped by the stretched-out fabric, making his hand bounce back, but now stained with all shades of brown and tan, which somehow only makes him even more mad and turns him into a furious animal roaming around free and causing uttermost chaos in his all true sense.

Nothing can stop Huang Renjun when he opens the drawer he keeps all his artwork in, taking out all the graphite sketches and colored pencil drawings, and then the next one containing the watercolor paintings and various other acrylic paintings done on expensive sheets of paper, stacking all of those onto one pile in the middle of the table. Not one thing is safe– except from the digital artworks he keeps in his iPad and his big A4 sketchbook he forgot about in the heat of the moment, since he keeps it on his nightstand– when he takes the big, heavy stack of art and runs, chimes towards the entrance of his and Donghyuck’s miniature dorm room, luck only standing by his side once in this whole evening when his said roommate opens the door and clears the way for him, looking at the poor boy with mouth agape in a slight shock.

“What the fuck are you doing right n–”

Donghyuck doesn’t get an answer. When he asks stupid questions, Renjun doesn’t tend to pay him much mind, settling on not engaging with the discourse if it doesn’t make much sense, so Hyuck should be used to the ignorance– he thinks this was a very valid question to ask at this moment, though. If he was curious enough, he’d even follow his roommate down the hall and watch him in his endeavors only to find out what’s the intention behind his angry stomping and the fierce look on his face. The truth is, though, he doesn’t care all that much.

That doesn’t stop Huang Renjun, though, as he chimes down the hall of the boy’s dormitory, kicks the glass door open (thankfully not the actual glass part, because that would for sure be expensive) and practically runs the rest of the way towards the bins at the end of the street, dumping the papers into the bin (forgive him for not recycling in his current state of mind) before he angrily kicks the poor object twice for good measure and turns on his heel, slowly, but still as angrily making his way back to his dorm room by stomping all the way up until the entrance.

The dorm guard doesn’t even ask for his dorm ID like he usually does– Renjun must have been quite memorable as he ran out of the building with 5kg of artwork of various sizes in his arms– but the truth is, the man isn’t as old and he saw the boy going out just a few minutes ago, so he doesn’t think it’s necessary. Renjun would appreciate the memo, although, when he remembers that the man always asks for the dorm ID, especially on the nights out when he comes back slightly intoxicated and too disoriented to look for the little slip of paper in his pockets, and on the nights when he forgets his dorm ID as well– the man was set on letting him sleep on the front porch of the dormitory once and it took Renjun 15 calls to get ahold of a sleeping Donghyuck and another 15 of him walking down the hall in slippers and pajama bottoms with his roommate’s dorm ID in hand before he could warm his bones from the cold slowly seeping into his bones on the January night– and that whole thing makes Renjun somehow even more angry at the whole situation.

And so when he comes into his room again, Donghyuck now sitting on his bed still in his outside clothes (something Renjun hates and would murder for), and his eyes land on the damaged canvas still waiting for him in the corner of the room, he wastes no time in opening his window and throwing it down from the second floor, not really caring where it ends up or if he’s gonna get a fine for violating one of the dormitory rules– to never throw stuff out of the windows..

“Dude, what is–”

“Don’t ask.” Renjun huffs as he closes the door and peels his clothes off, taking a towel that’s still hanging from the top bunk of their bed and aims towards the bathroom door. A true tantrum can only end in a cold shower, and that’s what Renjun’s gonna do as he washes his dreams down the drain and ends up silently crying himself to sleep tonight in agony.

It’s hard to believe Huang Renjun is currently at the best college party since the days of ‘megaparties’ of Johnny Suh, the senior that’s slowly halting his party performance due to stilling in life. Renjun was dragged to Lee Jeno’s party by his roommate Donghyuck after he mourned in his bed for approximately two days before it got too much for the poor gemini, promising and honestly thinking that alcohol is truly the best solution for the poor boy’s misery. Again, it’s hard to believe Huang Renjun is currently at the best college party of the year when he listens to the loud EDM music piercing through his eardrums and he swears he catches a glimpse of a couple dry humping on the couch.

Because he’s not.

He’s at a college party, sure. He’s also getting some alcohol into his system– because why not, am I right? He’s not the one paying, and that’s always enough of a reason to drink. Is it the best college party he’s ever experienced, though? Absolutely not.

It’s quite literally the worst party he’s ever been to. The music is too loud and the whole house smells of cheap vodka, people are pushing each other around and with the amount of alcohol in his system, the whole room feels like he’s on a boat, his stomach weak and his eyes hazy. Renjun must admit Hyuck’s therapy skills are kind of paying off– because at least now he’s not thinking about the wasted opportunity of a summer scholarship and is instead looking into the eyes of his cute classmate from History class across the room– but at the same time, he’s not thinking much of anything in this moment, and the glint of your eyes is the only thing he can focus on when you get closer.

That might be a good or a bad thing– depends on how the encounter goes. There’s a fine line between the amount of alcohol that’s just perfect for Huang Renjun to get rid of his usual shyness and speak to other, much more attractive human species, and the amount of alcohol that’s just perfect for Huang Renjun to black out and puke on the floor, efficiently making it impossible for him to chat up the cute classmate he’s been eyeing the whole semester and ruining his chances of ever being seen in a good light in front of the said person ever again. He prays intensely that he hasn’t crossed the line yet when you open your mouth and speak to him in the crowded kitchen.

“Renjun!”

“Y/N!” he tries to mimic your tone, a flashy grin settling onto his face when you approach him first. You two aren’t strangers, after all– you’ve sat together in class during various exams and also accidentally bumped into each other in the cafeteria, but what were your courageous attempts in making conversation with him and efficiently trying to make him more interested in you didn’t lead to your desired goal of getting invited out by him, instead leading him to think you’re just that friendly to everyone and not just him, making the chances of him taking the next step that much slimmer. Not tonight, though– he really must have had too much to drink.

“How are you?” you ask, clearing your throat as you bump into someone and decide to shift closer to Renjun, making the boy’s breathing hitch in his throat.

“Wonderful,” he gasps, and for some reason, the response laced in irony makes an excited laugh escape your throat, and the more he listens to your bubbly giggle, the more he wishes he did music instead of fine arts, because maybe if he was competent enough, he could mimic the sound in one of his songs and replay it over and over even when you’re not around.

“That sounds very genuine,” you note, which makes the boy laugh in return, making him wonder if maybe he could have the same effect on you– if you’re smiling wider now because of the sound of his laughter, or if you’re just amused at something completely else.

It’s pathetic, really– the gloomy boy that was trailing to this party behind his roommate Donghyuck is nowhere to be seen now, instead replaced by the cheap imitation of a ray of sunshine that you brought out of him only with the magic of a few words and the few drops of alcohol on his tongue.

“Oh, trust me, it was genuine,” he teases, and you only nod to his attempt at masking his obviously saddened composure from before.

“Having a rough week?” you ask, and you sound truly interested– something Renjun hasn’t found in the tone of his roommate when he insisted on dragging him here– and maybe that’s the reason why he just shrugs and decides to come clean and be honest with you. You seem like that kind of person that wouldn’t make fun of his troubles, the kind of person that would genuinely want to help– although he’s not seeking counseling tonight, he figures he can talk a bit about his shitty mood if it means that it gets the conversation flowing.

“A rough life, actually,” he snickers before he sees you eye him with a concerned look, “just joking,” he adds before he retracks back and fixes his initial answer. “Some things didn’t work out the way I wanted them to, so I’m kind of moping around for a bit.”

You seem to feel empathetic towards the boy, nodding and pouting at his confession. “Well, I hope things get fixed for you, Jun,” you mumble, tone of voice encouraging– and maybe he could dwell at the caring nature of you a little longer, only if it wasn’t for your use of a nickname for him that just oh so sweetly rolls of your tongue and Renjun wishes he could legally change his name to the nickname so he could listen to the way it sounds forever– scratch that, to the way it sounds from your mouth forever, which means he won’t change it, just so it’s reserved for you and only you to say.

“What about you, though?” he finds himself asking in the midst of his inner screeching.

“Me? I’m great, totally fine, having the time of my life,” you emphasize, the over-the-top expression on your face making the boy burst into laughter as you wave your arms around as if to show him your surroundings. “I am a party person for sure, you know, so this is perfect,” you joke, and Renjun seems to get the memo. If he’s being honest, he’s not sure he’s ever seen you at a party before– not that he goes to many himself, which might honestly be the reason, actually– you could just be at different parties in different times that hadn’t overlaid, but by the way you’re currently tensely sipping at the alcohol in your hand, he figures you’re not too familiar with the scene of college partying.

“Who forced you to go? Was it your roommate?” Renjun remembers the girl from another one of his classes– you two were always walking around together and often got to class at the same time. Figuring out that you two lived together wasn’t as difficult, and she surely seems to be the more extroverted one.

“No, actually,” you say, eyes glimmering when he seems to remember the girl you share a room with, “to my surprise, honestly. It was another one of my friends– Na Jaemin, not sure if you know him– but the moment we got here, he disappeared and left me alone to deal with my thoughts,” you click your tongue and Renjun finds himself totally mesmerized with you– amazed with everything about you; the way you talk, the way you lean on the counter and watch him with stars in your eyes (which might just be the reflections of the kitchen lights, but don’t tell him that), the way you slightly lean into him when he cracks a joke and earns a laugh out of you…

“They always do that,” Renjun scowls, “they drag the introvert in and then force them to survive on their own…” he shakes his head in disappointment, clearly distraught over the situation.

“Exactly! But if you ask them to come with you to a picnic, or to the library, they decline the offer. So much for being good friends,” you roll your eyes. Renjun finds himself smiling, and although he must admit that as every other college student, he himself would decline an invitation to a library if anyone asked, he’s like 99% certain that if it was you uttering out the question, he wouldn’t miss a heartbeat before joyfully jogging there with you.

“Ask me next time,” he blurts out, a poor attempt at flirting, “I wouldn’t say no.”

And it seems like tonight is the night where you suddenly get the last kick of courage needed when you talk to Renjun– maybe fueled by his coy smile when he said the previous comment, maybe just acting out on pure hormones– tonight's the night where he breathlessly takes your offer, still not thinking much of it, but igniting a curious spark in his own heart nonetheless, when you scratch the back of your neck in the last residue of anxiety, scrunching your nose at him and mumbling under your nose, barely heard above the loud music resonating through the living room. “Do you wanna sneak into my dorm room, then?”

Renjun almost chokes at your question– visitors in the dormitory are only allowed until midnight and as far as he’s aware, the clock is well after 2 AM right now, and he’s a male visitor, which is even more off the bounds in the eyes of the fierce woman guarding the entrance of the girl’s dormitory building. The more he stares at you, the more you seem to translate his silence into disagreement, which you panically try to undo with even more rambling. “I- I mean, since we both kind of hate this party and I think that if I drink more, I’m going to puke all over myself, so… My room is on the ground floor, so you can just climb in, if you wanted to. My roommate went home for the weekend, so there’s no one there, and we could– I mean, we don’t have to, honestly, but it’s kinda cold out and I thought we could both use a place more silent, ‘cause I really wanna head back now, but I don’t want to stop talking to you, y’know, and I don’t know if–”

“Okay, I’m down,” Renjun nods, efficiently shutting up your rambling, and when there’s a very apparent relief flashing over your face, he finds himself smiling in endearance at your antics, going as far as ruffling a hand through your hair in whatever kick the alcohol mixed with adrenaline gave him before you have him dragging his feet out of the house, both of your feet shuffling towards the campus.

The walk isn’t long, but he finds himself enjoying it. The condensation coming out of your mouths at the chilly weather serves more to the atmosphere when the both of you giggle out at absurd jokes and gossip, your voice breaking into soft hums when you sing a song under your breath in moments of silence that somehow feel both kind of awkward, but also kind of pleasant. He drags you by your hand to the other side of the sidewalk when a car passes by and you jump in surprise, eyes wide and glossy, mouth a little agape in an open-mouthed grin when his fingers stay intertwined with yours and you adjust your purse on your other shoulder, clearing your throat before you try to nonchalantly continue on with the conversation.

“I’ll go inside now,” you announce when you get to the girl’s dormitory building, breaking apart from the eager boy and coming closer to him when you confide the secret, “I’ll turn the light on in my room when I get there, so make sure to look out for the window. I’ll help you in, don’t worry,” you smile at him, and before he has a chance to reply, you disappear behind the glass door with a pep in your step.

Renjun finds himself sighing– now is the moment when he should realistically get relief, the moment when he’s supposed to relax for at least a second and prepare himself for whatever might happen in your dorm room– but when he slowly walks over to the left wing of the building and squints at the dark squares of windows, he wonders how in the hell he’s gonna climb in. Escaping out will be an easy task– the windows aren’t that high up– but coming in will be the problem. He guesses it’s the same with the whole situation– he bets the easiest part of the whole evening will be jumping out and running to his own room– how to survive the night in your presence and not go completely insane, he doesn’t know and wishes he had a manual to before he agreed to do this in the first place.

When the light goes on in one of the rooms and you wave at him from the inside, he finds himself involuntarily jogging towards the window, gears in his brain turning faster than the speed of light when he reaches the wall and you grin at him, opening the window and offering him your hand.

“If you grip the edge of the window and give me your hand, you can get in easily,” you say, watching as the boy cautiously looks around himself and scratches the back of his neck, mentally calculating his next movements.

“Have you done this before?”

“No,” you bashfully shake your head, “but my roommate did it twice, so I don’t think it’s that hard,” you note and nod at him, waiting for him to finally take action.

Renjun finds himself doing what he’s been told– and even though he huffs and almost falls over to his back (which would kill him, he thinks, since his physique is very close to a turtle’s), victory fills his veins when one of his legs finally ends up in your window, his body stumbling forward and almost toppling you over when the warmth of your room welcomes him as he lands on top of your desk.

“Welcome,” you laugh at him when he shakes his head in disbelief and takes off his coat, dropping it on top of the wooden table and watching you close the window behind him, so the cold doesn’t get in.

“That’s one way of inviting guests over, I guess,” he teases you, watching as you roll your eyes at him and go over to one of the beds. Renjun notices the room is different to the one he shares with Donghyuck– you and your roommate have two beds instead of a bunk one, the table is right under the window and you get a little more space over-all. You turn on the little lamp kept on your bedside table, and the boy watches you with interest as you cautiously walk around your own room as if it’s your first time seeing it, reminding him a little of a deer in the headlights, clueless and suddenly out of ideas.

Renjun finds himself laughing at your behavior– he finds himself endeared by it, the way you play with your fingers in nerves and try to think of anything to do in the intimacy that suddenly envelopes you when you invite someone over to your dorm room in the middle of the night– and when you aimlessly end up standing in front of him, your big eyes even bigger and glossier than before, he snickers at the state of you and shakes his head.

“Okay, so I know I was the one who invited you over, but now I’m kind of helpless in what we should actually do and all…” you giggle, a little embarrassed when you bear your eyes into his, your body subconsciously slotted in between his legs, his position leaning on the edge of the table allowing you and inviting you to do so.

“You’re cute,” he laughs at you, and before you have a chance to question him about the compliment, he has you silenced abruptly by his next actions.

“What do you–”

His hand is gripping your jaw and he leans into you, the newly found courage and affection towards you having him drunk on more than the alcohol, but also your whole presence– the way your hair smells when he’s this close to you, the way you pull the sleeves of your sweater further down when you don’t know what to do with your hands, the shyness in your gaze now that you have him in your cage– and his lips act on themselves when they press themselves against yours, soft but firm, tasting the strawberry juice mixed with vodka off your mouth, a surprised gasp against his lips more than enough to invite him even further in.

He feels your fingers tugging at his shirt and your skin growing hot under his touch, leaning back from you a little and finding you looking at him with a thousand different galaxies in your eyes, enough of a confirmation to him, but he’s a man– he still needs it vocally, when he grins lazily at you. “Was this one of the things you thought about when you invited me over?”

“Maybe…” you tug at your bottom lip with your teeth, a clearly battled grin trying to settle its way onto your lips.

“You should’ve just said so, then,” he smiles when he leans into you again, a little more confidently this time and kisses you again, again and again.

You stay under the window for a while, lips pressed hard against each other as you try to learn the curves of each other’s mouths by memory, lazy hands threaded into his hair and an arm around your waist now, steadying you in place. Foreheads pressed against each other when you break away for air, giggles resonating through the room when his lips make their way towards your neck and the softness of his hair tickles your skin, fingers threaded when you tug him towards your bed and you watch him kick his shoes off before you follow him onto the soft mattress.

His head falls into your pillow and you straddle his lap, your hair falling into your face when you look down at him from your position, the newly found dominance in your position charging you with unexplainable energy, and Renjun can’t help but smile at you sweetly when your eyes meet and you eagerly lean down towards him, fingers once again intertwined with his, hands laying next to his head. Your breath fans his swollen lips that you once again find yourself attacking, the contact overwhelming you and making it hard to breathe. Who knows how long the both of you have wanted to do this but never had the courage to– it’s a miracle that it’s even happening tonight.

And with the built-up desire, you act instinctively– hands breaking away from his when you grip his cheeks and give him one last peck, lips now traveling down his jaw and neck instead, having the boy shivering under the contact, your actions slowly but surely driving him crazy when you find his sweet spot and you get a satisfied gasp from him, a reward for your tonight’s efforts.

His hand grips your hip, and something about the burn of his fingers even through the fabric of your jeans makes you move on instinct, earning yourself a sharper hiss this time that doesn’t make you stop, however– quite the opposite, actually– as you break into a wide grin at the very evident effect you have on him, your movements slow and painful, but still having him harden under you.

Goosebumps appear all over your skin when his cold fingers capture the skin of your stomach when he aimlessly tries to find a place in your body to ground yourself, but the more he answers to your movements, the more encouraged you get. He tugs you back down so you’re facing him, which does nothing to halt your painful pace as he drags out yet another kiss from you.

“If we don’t stop now, it’s gonna be really hard for me to do so later,” Renjun huffs into your ear, which only gets you more excited.

“Who said I want to stop?” you ask him, fingers trailing up his side over his shirt, yet still making him fire up and flush in his cheeks. “Do you want to stop?”

“Do I look like I wanna stop?” he snickers, shaking his head in utter disbelief, hand traveling dangerously close to the cup of your breast.

“Let’s continue, then,” you muse, peeling yourself off him only the slightest amount, hands dragging themselves down his body until you reach the waistband of his pants, gently dragging the fabric down until he’s left in front of you only with a tent in his underwear, big eyes curiously and breathlessly watching you in your actions. He could be a gentleman and tell you you don’t have to, tell you to stop and come back up and that he will pleasure you first, but the more he watches you as you palm him over the thin fabric of his boxer briefs with the dangerous doe eyes of yours, the less he wants to do just that. In all reality– who is he to deny a blowjob from you? Or anyone, for that matter?

His whole body shudders under your touch, actions careful, but so painfully satisfying. Renjun watches your face with his bottom lip trapped between his teeth, the reality of it all sobering him up and making him aware of each shift of your body, each centimeter your fingertip travels against his skin, each motion that slowly makes a bundle of nerves appear in his stomach. It only gets too much for him when you lean on your elbows, nails gently pricking the skin of his thighs as your mouth hesitantly greets his dick, and he feels like a virgin again when his eyes peel off you just in case he finishes just by watching you blowing him off like a highschooler at his first blowjob, forcing himself to watch the ceiling instead.

Eyes traveling all over your room– the closed window opposite of him, the bed on the other side of the room, the walls above your bed– he gets lost in the galaxy drawn on a piece of paper that’s plastered right above your pillowcase, and another graphite sketch of eyes bearing right into your soul, as if they were watching him in the act, and another one, of a deer that looks through the shade of the trees, before it hits him.

“Oh my god what the fuck–” he gasps, and his tone must have sounded too different to the satisfied moans that have been spilling out of his mouth up until now, because you abruptly stop your movements and your gazes lock, your eyes completely mortified.

“Am I doing something wrong?”

“Oh– Oh god no, fuck, you’re doing amazing, trust me,” apologies spill off his tongue at your distressed state, “it’s just– where… where did you get these?” he asks, pointing towards all the drawings taped all over your walls that he failed to notice in the heat of the moment before.

“Oh,” you cluelessly hum, eyebrows furrowed, “I found them spilling out of a trashcan close to the boy’s dorms when I was walking to class one morning, and they were so pretty I had to take them.”

“I– you like these?” Renjun asks, full of strange surprise and genuine curiosity. You’re now sitting back on your heels and looking at the boy with big eyes, still slightly clueless and very much in a weird state of distress– because why would a man ask you about the random artwork on your wall in the middle of a mindblowing blowjob?– before you nod with a slight pout, agreeing.

“Well, I wouldn’t have decorated my room with them if I didn’t like them, y’know… Why are you… why are you asking?”

“Oh,” Renjun repeats again, a dumbfounded look taking over his soft features before he sits up on the bed and scoots closer to you, a weird sense of euphoria spilling out every vein of his body when the held-back dopamine is released into his system. A wide grin appears on his lips before he stares into your eyes with a milky way mirroring behind his eyeballs, glittering orbs haphazardly gliding over your face before he reaches your lips again, pecking them one, two, three times before you break away and look at him with furrowed eyebrows, a slight crease right in between them.

“What are you–”

“I think I’m gonna literally cum just at hearing those words, Y/N,” he blurbs out before he kisses the tip of your nose again, completely endeared and close to a happy boy under the Christmas tree, and while you may enjoy that look on him, you’re still slightly confused. Huang Renjun sighs almost a little too dreamingly and smooths the wrinkle between your eyebrows with a careful swipe of his thumb, still not giving you any explanation.

“Renjun, I’m afraid I’m not quite following why this is so important to you right now,” you mumble, having your partner laugh airly– just as if all his worries escaped through the window and you fixed his life with a few drawings plastered on your wall.

“Those, dear Y/N,” he points towards the papers stuck to your walls, eyeing the specific one he worked for 3 hours on and kind of mourned the morning after he realized he threw it away, months of practice and art that maybe wasn’t even that bad in the first place ending up in the trash because of a fit of rage, “are all mine. Mine as in, I drew them… And then threw them out in the middle of a slight mental breakdown.”

You look at him for a few heartbeats, eye contact never breaking before you avert your gaze towards the artwork on the walls– it takes you a few seconds before it hits you– and you gasp, hurriedly looking back at the artist in front of you, stars glimmering in your eyes now as well, matching his excitement. “Oh my god, are you for real?”

“Yeah.”

“You drew all of these?”

“Yeah,” he nods again, breathless.

“This is an insane coincidence,” you snicker, and Renjun didn’t know he had it in him– maybe it’s still the effect of alcohol that slips off his tongue when he speaks– but he cages you in his arms as he kisses you again, a whole new world appearing in front of him when the cheesiness meets the comfort of your walls.

“You’d call this a coincidence?” he hums. “Maybe it was fate.”

Earning himself a sharp laugh, almost mocking him as you swat his shoulder, you fall back with him towards the mattress, and while the heated moment might be gone, you don’t mind at all. Renjun looks at you with a certain softness in his eyes, a pride swelling in his chest, and for a moment, it’s true and you truly did open up a new reality for him and changed his life forever, fixed all of his problems, if you will, because the appreciation it takes for a girl to tape up at least 20 of his messy artworks onto her wall after finding the stash in the trashcan on her way to class might just be the encouragement he needed to keep going with the craft.

It’s hard to believe that this shitty party actually brought him somewhere– not only to your bed, but also to your life, to a beginning of something new and a restart in something he thought he’d forever be giving up on.

“So… Do you need those back? Because I kinda like them here,” you giggle, and the crinkle of his eyes is enough of an answer to you.

“You can keep them. I’ll just draw new ones you can look at,” he muses, stealing another kiss from you and squeezing your hip, having you squeal against his mouth.

“Now, to get back to what we were doing before–”

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